IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people,while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate.Discuss both views and give your opinion

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In these modern days in many cities around the world, one of the places which are the most visited is a museum, because in
this
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 space the public from any country could learn about many subjects,
such
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 as history or social culture.
Whereas
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, education is not the only purpose of museums, but
also
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 these areas are created to entertain individuals.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons why museums exist for education and entertainment.
Firstly
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, the first objective of a museum is to give the population ways to educate.
Therefore
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, in that institution, the community can find skills for improving any specific subject, in many cases about art, the study of the past, or biology. A good example of
that is
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 the Natural History Museum of London, which is a place where adults and children can learn about animals and geology. As mentioned,
this
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 type of institute exists for education.
On the other hand
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, another objective of the exhibition is entertaining.
Hence
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,
while
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 people are learning, they can enjoy moments: playing or watching videos about biology over time.
For instance
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, in Explora Park in Medellin, the visitor might improve their knowledge about the functions of the body,
while
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 they are playing interaction games. For that reason, exhibition rooms aim to be entertaining.
To sum up
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, exhibitions are made for many purposes, one of them is
giving
Change the verb form
to give
show examples
 learning- skills to individuals, and the second one is allowing people to enjoy the exhibitions with games because visitors might learn
while
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 they are playing.

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement at the end of your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, explicitly stating which side you lean towards, if any.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor language errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity and flow.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion of both views, reflecting an understanding of the task.
task achievement
The examples provided (Natural History Museum of London and Explora Park) effectively support your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and help frame the essay and bring closure to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression of ideas is clear and contributes to the comprehensibility of your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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