IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that governments should pay for public health care and education, while others say that it is not governments’ responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is true that in
this
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 day and age, opinion is divided over whether governments ought to pay public
health
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care
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 fees and education. In
this
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 essay, I will look at both sides of
this
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 debate
as well as
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 offer my own point of view. Turning first of all to the arguments in favour of
this
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 idea, it goes without saying that even the
government
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 afford the money for
health
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care
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, it relies on patients' daily
health
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care
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.
For instance
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, tooth decay is caused by not brushing their teeth completely. At the same time, if the
government
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 pays the fee for
health
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care
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 and tuition the
government
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 need to collect the money from the tax which will lead to a tax rise.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 might need to use the budget for technology improvement or other opportunities. As far as the other side of
this
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 debate is concerned, it goes without saying that if the
government
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 give financial support with medical and education, the number of homeless might decrease which may lead to public safety. It may
also
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 be worth noting that individual can spend their money on other resources
such
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 as hobbies or amuses which might connect to improve their quality of life. By way of conclusion, from the ideas and examples above it can be seen that there are valid arguments on both sides of
this
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 debate.
However
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, I am of the opinion that in the grand scheme of things, the advantage of
government
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 paying the fee for tuition and medical
care
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 outweighs the disadvantage of affording.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your main points. This could make your arguments more compelling and grounded in reality.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve coherence. This will make your argument easier to follow.
language
There are some minor grammar and syntax errors. Proofreading for these will help make your essay more polished and professional.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument clearly and provides a well-rounded discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is essential for good structure.
coherence cohesion
Your opinion is effectively integrated into the essay, giving it a personal touch that strengthens your position.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • **Equal Access**
  • **Economic Growth**
  • **Public Good**
  • **Preventative Measures**
  • **Social Stability**
  • **Financial Burden**
  • **Efficiency Issues**
  • **Limited Choice**
  • **Innovation**
  • **Moral Hazard**
  • fundamental human rights
  • socioeconomic status
  • productive population
  • social inequality
  • bureaucracy
  • competitive pressures
  • innovation
  • preventative measures
  • publicly funded
  • healthcare and education services
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