Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy? (Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.)
Many
people
say that having a lot of money
bring
happiness to Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
people
's life
. By being a rich Fix the agreement mistake
lives
person
, people
can buy everything they want and need and having
fun. Wrong verb form
have
However
, there are also
other things
can
make Correct pronoun usage
that can
people
happy, such
as healthy
and family. In Replace the word
health
this
essay
I will explain how Add a comma
essay,
people
being
happy by Wrong verb form
are
spend
their Change the verb form
spending
money
and other things
which bring joyful
.
On the one hand, Replace the word
joy
currently
Add a comma
currently,
people
will always changing
Change the verb form
change
be changing
job
and Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
looking
for a job with the highest salary. By increasing Change the verb form
look
be looking
the
earnings, Change the word
their
people
can buy not only objects but also
subjects in a negative way. Despite
, a rich Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
person
can not buy a person
to talk and
fill their heart, and they usually feel lonely and do not have a good family and friends. Change preposition
to and
For instance
, a rich person
can buy a luxury car, travel around the world, and in a negative way also
can
pay for Verb problem
apply
people
to do
prostitute and many more.
Unnecessary verb
apply
On the other hand
, some people
say that the most important things
to have a happy life are be
a healthy Fix the infinitive
to be
person
and have someone close to them. If people
get sick and pain such
cancer
, Change preposition
as cancer
it
spend Correct pronoun usage
they
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
money
to see a doctor. Additionally
, it is important to have someone that close to a person
to maintain their mental health. For example
, it is really tough for a poor person
to have a
food that Correct article usage
apply
contain
a lot of nutrition. Change the verb form
contains
Hence
, poor people
will be so grateful if they have an
healthy body.
In conclusion, having a lot of Change the article
a
money
is important but it is not a key to bring happiness. There are several things
which can make people
feel joy such
as healthy
and someone close to a Replace the word
health
person
. So that, every person
have their own way to be happy.Submitted by innezgracias on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing ideas more logically in each paragraph to develop a more coherent argument. Introduce and conclude each point effectively before moving on to the next.
Grammar
Proofread for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. This will help convey ideas more clearly and make the essay easier to understand.
Task Response
Include more relevant examples and further elaborate on certain points to better support your arguments.
Examples
Expand on and integrate personal experiences or well-known scenarios to make your essay more relatable and convincing.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the key elements of the prompt, discussing both the importance of money and other aspects like health and family in relation to happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a good attempt to balance the discussion by presenting both sides of the argument – how money can buy happiness and its limitations.