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Writing Samples
Band 8

Question-fossil fuel ,such as coal, oil and natural gas, are the main source for many countries however some nations are using alternative energy such as solar power and wind power. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Although
 in many countries fossil
fuels
 like coal, oil, and natural gas are the major
sources
 of
energy
 consumed by citizens, some governments have replaced them with renewable ones like solar
power
 and wind
power
. I believe it is a positive alternative. In the following essay, I will explain the reasons behind my belief. On the one hand, nonrenewable fossil
fuels
 are harmful to the environment. One of their negative effects is creating greenhouse gasses which lead to global warming that causes glaciers to melt in the long run.
For example
, a
lot
 of the ice caps and glaciers in the north and south poles are disappearing these days which results in diminishing biodiversity, and the disappearance of animal species. Another drawback of these
energy
sources
 is air pollution. They are not clean
sources
, and lead to polluted air, especially in industrial countries where many factories and companies are located.
For instance
, the weather is significantly more polluted in cities where many manufacturing places exist.
This
 can result in a
lot
 of disastrous illnesses for the residents. The
last
 but not least factor that a
lot
 of governments try not to opt for these choices is they will finish someday, and if communities rely on them, they will lose them, and will not be able to continue their activities in the future.
Therefore
, consumption of these
sources
 has a
lot
 of terrible consequences.
On the other hand
, solar and wind
power
 which are regarded as clean
energy
sources
, are produced again and again after being used, so authorities do not worry about the future of their industries. Not only are not these governments concerned about depleting the resources but
also
 they will be able to continue their activities without relying on countries that export fossil
fuels
.
Besides
, they are environmentally friendly. They do not have any negative impact on Earth which has made them popular with environmentalists and people who care about the future of our planet. In conclusion, substituting fossil
fuels
 like coal, oil, and natural gas which will be lost one day with alternative
energy
such
 as wind and solar
power
 is a proper action for which required measures should be taken by decision-makers.
Submitted by faranakasadzadian on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance clarity, consider explicitly linking the points within each paragraph to further improve cohesion.
task achievement
While the essay is generally well-supported, providing more specific examples or statistics could strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, distinct main idea for improved coherence.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of fossil fuels and alternative energy forms.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported with explanations and examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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