persuassion essay about The role of women in the workforce

In Colombian culture, the evolution of

women

's role in the workforce is changing the social and economic landscape. Historically,

women

in Colombia have faced numerous barriers, including social and cultural barriers that hindered their advancement and empowerment in the professional world. Despite these challenges, progress has been made.

According to

the National Administrative Department of Statistics (DANE), female

labor

Change the spelling

labour

show examples

participation in the first quarter of 2024 was 52%, which,

although

lower than the 76.3% participation of men, represents a significant achievement for

women

This

essay aims to explain why the increasing role of

women

in the workforce brings benefits, focusing on the advantages for companies, the promotion of equal opportunities, and the resilience and adaptability that

women

bring to the workplace.

Submitted by viataz33 on Mon May 27 2024

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task achievement

Try to expand more on the specific issues women faced historically in the Colombian workforce. Providing more context will strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject.

coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph within the body of the essay clearly addresses a distinct point. This will enhance the logical structure and ensure that each point is thoroughly explored.

task achievement

Incorporate more statistics or specific examples to substantiate the claims made about the benefits of women's increasing role in the workforce. This will provide clearer evidence of task achievement and lend credibility to the argument.

coherence cohesion

Include a concise conclusion that summarizes the main points of the essay. This will provide a sense of closure and make your argument more persuasive.

task achievement

The introduction provides a clear and relevant context for the topic, effectively setting the stage for the discussion.

task achievement

The essay shows an understanding of the topic and presents a clear stance on the benefits of increasing the role of women in the workforce.

coherence cohesion

The quote from the National Administrative Department of Statistics (DANE) adds credibility and relevance to the essay by including current data.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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3Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

1 paragraphs

121 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

gender disparity
glass ceiling
work-life balance
economic empowerment
gender roles
equal opportunity
workforce diversity
inclusivity
career advancement
pay equity
stereotypes
traditional roles
professional development
underrepresentation

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persuassion essay about The role of women in the workforce

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

You need a website for your business, and you would like to ask your friend to build it. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter •Include a brief description of your business •Explain what you would like to have on the website •Provide some ideas on the use of images on the website.

Surveillance cameras in banks, offices, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the workplace and public, but they are also took for their users to spy on people's private business. what problems do surveillance cameras create? what are the solutions?

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has change because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

Despite the availability of many translation softwares, it is still beneficial to learn a language. Agree or disagree?

Living in country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+