IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Write a 150 word letter to a family who are looking for some one to live with them and take care of six year old.

#word #care #six #year
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Dear Sir / Madam, I hope you are in good health. I came across your advertisement in a newspaper where you are looking for someone who can look after your kid. Let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Neha Singh and I am originally from India. I have completed my post-graduation in hospitality from the State University, and now looking for a job. Currently, I am living alone in Mississauga, and most of the time goes on looking for a job and giving interviews. Why
this
Linking Words
 job interests me because I have prior experience being a nanny when I finished my graduation. I am very fond of kids and have experience handling them; not bragging but children love me too. I have a very jolly nature and don't have any temper issues.
Additionally
Linking Words
, living with a family will give me some company, which is what I miss the most currently as my family is back in India. I hope we can meet so that we can know more about each other. Best wishes, Neha
Submitted by sandeepniet17 on

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coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your letter has a clear logical structure. However, you could improve the flow between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases.
task achievement
To achieve a complete response, try to explicitly address any specific requirements mentioned in the job advertisement, if any, and include how you meet those criteria.
task achievement
The letter maintains a suitable writing tone, being both polite and professional, which is appropriate for the context.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear greeting and closing, which is important in formal letters.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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