IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that housing facilities should be built in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while others believe that parks should be set instead. Planting trees is very important for the environment. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is a controversy over the matter of whether parks should be built in empty regions of towns and
cities
Use synonyms
. Building houses
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 thought to be necessary to locate people;
however
Linking Words
, it should be considered that expanding
cities
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suburban or empty areas will bring about detrimental effects
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
. With regard to the housing construction approach, many individuals assume that the growing population is required to dwell somewhere;
therefore
Linking Words
, considering a place to locate them is something obligatory.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a substantial number of houses are already built in
cities
Use synonyms
, and if the number of current houses
kept
Add a missing verb
is kept
show examples
 constant, many residential places would be extremely expensive;
consequently
Linking Words
, many people would be homeless. In India,
for instance
Linking Words
, indications show that a lot of families cannot afford
renting
Change the verb form
to rent
show examples
 a place to stay and they have to spend their lives on the streets.
In contrast
Linking Words
, opposing beliefs state that the natural
environment
Use synonyms
 is already in crisis.
Hence
Linking Words
, housing and constructing more accommodations can bring about more natural loss.
Consequently
Linking Words
, building parks and planting trees may diminish the impact of deforestation and can prevent destroying natural
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
. In fact, the
environment
Use synonyms
 and nature ought to be preserved as human beings are not able to continue their existence without them. In conclusion, after considering both viewpoints,
while
Linking Words
 many people declare that it is advisable to build more housing facilities, I hold the conviction that preserving the
environment
Use synonyms
 and building parks are more beneficial to both
cities
Use synonyms
 and humankind.

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task achievement
Enhance the support for your main points with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Improve the clarity of your ideas by elaborating further and ensuring your arguments are thoroughly articulated.
task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are comprehensively supported with relevant examples to provide a more compelling response.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, work on further refining the logical flow between paragraphs for a more seamless argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are strong, but make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to enhance the overall readability.
coherence cohesion
Expand on each point to provide a richer and more persuasive narrative in your body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and well-defined introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is strong, providing a clear progression of ideas.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively, offering a balanced view of the topic and responding to the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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