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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many countries are experiencing population growth, and need to build more homes. Some say that new homes should constructed in existing cities while others argues that new towns should be built to accommodate the growing population. What are the advantages and disadvantages of these point of view

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The world's population is growing at a rapid pace which demands the construction of new houses.Some folks argue that new buildings should be erected in the same urban hubs
while
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 others opine that more housing societies should be established for the increasing population.
This
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 essay will discuss how constructing new homes in the same cities can be convenient for the government in the allocation of resources and
also
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 discuss problems of the traffic and the pollution, associated with
this
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 development. On the one hand, the building of residences in existing metropolitans is advantageous for the state in terms of service provision.
This
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 means that the administration does not have to build new hospitals and schools for the rising strength of individuals.They just have to expand the infrastructure
that is
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 already present.
For instance
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, in Rawalpindi, the number of beds in the Central Hospital was increased
last
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 year to accommodate the influx of more patients.
On the other hand
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, accommodating a large number of people in the same space creates serious traffic and environmental hazards.If the figure of vehicles inclines on the same road network, it will cause more frequent traffic jams and will
also
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 contribute to excess carbon emissions in the atmosphere, which can be deleterious for the health and can
also
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 affect the living standards of citizens.
For example
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, Lahore , which has become the third most populous city in the world, as per the report of the Metrology Department of Pakistan, has the worst air-quality index, thanks to the ever-growing automobiles on its roads. In conclusion, making new homes in the already congested metropolis has some benefits in terms of limited requirement of state funds for the public welfare projects but at the same time, it has its own demerits of overcrowding the highways and polluting the climate.

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task response
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument, it would benefit from a clearer stance in the introduction and more balanced coverage in the body paragraphs. Consider establishing a clear thesis statement and summarizing the main points in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The coherence of the essay could be improved with better transitions between points. Additionally, avoid redundancy and ensure each paragraph flows logically from one idea to the next. Use more varied vocabulary to enhance cohesion.
task response
While specific examples add value, make sure they are directly relevant and seamlessly integrated into the argument. A more explicit connection between examples and the main point can strengthen the essay.
task response
The argument is supported with specific examples, which adds substance to the essay.
task response
The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating the ability to handle a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The inclusion of examples like Rawalpindi and Lahore helps to ground the points in real-world contexts.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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