Nowadays some people are changing their way of look through hair colour, clothes cosmetics and even plastic operations. What are the reasons? Is it a good or bad thing?

In the contemporary era, it is common
that
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people
tend
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to change their looks by undergoing surgeries or chemical treatments.
This
seems to be caused by the
fashion
trends set up by
the
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public figures and could lead to
the
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negative effects on the health of the masses. In
this
essay, the reasons
of
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such
a trend will be explored
along with
the cons of
this
issue.
To begin
with, certain people are enticed by the popular actors and the
fashion
models who spend an exorbitant amount of money on their looks. Owing to
this
trend, their followers
also
have begun to embark on a journey trying to look more attractive and young. To exemplify, the
fashion
of
the
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botox injections is spreading so fast because nowadays there is a trend
of
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the
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lips that appear bigger and raised.
Besides
this
, some individuals for whom it is not suitable to have
such
kind of appearance
also
do that and lose their natural beauty.
Moreover
,
such
kinds of
sought after
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fashion
sways have a multitude of drawbacks that cannot be ignored. A plethora of treatment options available at the aesthetic clinics are not medically certified. These are performed based on the
client
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client's
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discretion and they are made aware of how it could impact their health if everything does not go well.
For example
, the hair dyes that are used to highlight hair are particularly harmful
for
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the eyes and the skin. The formaldehyde evaporated after the application can be very harsh to
the
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sensitive skin and can cause rashes or even eyesight problems. In conclusion, the only biggest reason
of
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falling for
such
fashion
trends is the desire to look beautiful and young like the
fashion
icons.
However
, these can have bad effects on the health of the individuals who copy these styles. Ergo, it is really important to start feeling grateful
of
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for
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the natural beauty owned and the joy of being unique rather than imitating others.
Submitted by Kiran on

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task response
The essay effectively addresses the task prompt by discussing both reasons for people changing their appearance and whether it is a good or bad thing. However, the explanations could be further elaborated with more specific examples to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Sometimes the transition between points can seem abrupt. Using linking phrases can help to establish better coherence.
task response
Provide a balanced view by considering the potential positive aspects of changing one's appearance along with the negative effects. Offering a more nuanced perspective can enhance the depth of the essay.
task response
Ensure that every point made is strongly supported with relevant examples or evidence. This will make the argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
task response
The introduction is clear and sets a focused direction for the essay. It specifically lays out the reasons and potential negative effects of changing one's appearance.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s main points and reinforces the idea of valuing natural beauty.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with identifiable sections. Each paragraph has a distinct purpose.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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