New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In contemporary society, novel technological developments that have altered how
children
utilize their free time
have sparked a degree of controversy among the public. While
this
development may have certain drawbacks
, I believe that they are far outweighed by its advantages.
On the one hand, there are a number of major drawbacks
when the next generation spends too much time
playing with technological devices. The first drawback is that this
trend would have an adverse impact on juveniles' health. Since online entertainment programs are supremely attractive and vivid, the younger generation devotes a large amount of their time
to video games or screen time
activities. It is evident that children
are prone to becoming engrossed in these pastimes rather than participating in outdoor activities, which contributes to various health problems in kids, such
as obesity and myopia. Another negative effect is children
's behavior
. It is undeniable that the internet is replete with violent scenes. Change the spelling
behaviour
This
means that children
who are incompetent and incapable of distinguishing right and wrong imitate anti-social behaviors
, potentially leading to law violations. Indeed, studies have demonstrated a correlation between violent video games and the increase in juvenile delinquency rates.
Change the spelling
behaviours
On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits are more considerable than the drawbacks
. First,
emerging technologies help children
enrich their knowledge and learn a wide range of valuable skills. My young niece, for example
, knows more about animals and their natural habitats by watching the Discovery Channel on her iPad. Secondly
, high-tech devices stimulate children
's creativity and imagination. By viewing educational content like Minute Earth or Best of Science, a child can learn to conduct simple experiments and develop critical thinking skills.
In conclusion, I contend that the advantages of embracing new technological innovations in the realm of children
's leisure pursuits are more significant than the drawbacks
. It is essential for parents to carefully weigh the positive and negative aspects of advanced technologies to ensure that their children
lead a balanced and healthy lifestyle.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your essay further, ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Use linking words and phrases effectively to maintain coherence. This will help the essay feel more unified and improve readability.
task achievement
While your ideas are clearly communicated, you might want to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will demonstrate a higher level of fluency and sophistication in your writing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion. This helps in presenting your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the one about your young niece, enriches your argument and makes it more convincing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.