In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age from work outweigh the disadvantages?

In several nations, there has been an increase in the
retirement
age
of
employees
. In my opinion, the benefits of
this
phenomenon
such
as a larger skilled
workforce
are overshadowed by the demerits relating to health issues of the elderly and youth unemployment rates. The main drawback of raising the
retirement
age
is related to health issues. Specifically, a higher
retirement
age
could result in a significant number of older people who are more likely to suffer from
age
-related diseases continuing to work, which can make it difficult for them to perform their tasks.
For instance
, older construction workers prone to arthritis may struggle with operating heavy machinery or transporting building materials.
This
can negatively impact their productivity and the progress of the construction project. Another disadvantage of a higher
retirement
age
is that it could restrict job opportunities for younger individuals. If older people remain in the
workforce
for a longer time, companies may not need to hire new staff.
This
scenario could decrease employment prospects for the younger generation, potentially leading to higher youth unemployment rates. Take Vietnam as a prime example. The authorities implemented policies to raise the
retirement
age
of male
employees
from 60 to 62 in 2023, which partially contributed to an increase in the country’s young unemployment levels in the following year.
However
, raising the
retirement
age
has several advantages, one of which is retaining skilled workers. Older workers often have greater experience in their fields than their younger counterparts.
Thus
, by extending the
retirement
age
, enterprises can continue to benefit from the knowledge and expertise of older
employees
.
For example
, these senior
employees
can lead training sessions to share their experience with new staff. In conclusion,
while
increasing the
retirement
age
can keep experienced
employees
in the
workforce
, I maintain that its disadvantages are greater
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health concerns and limited employment prospects for youngsters.
Therefore
, to maintain a healthy
workforce
, governments should keep the
retirement
age
at 60 or under.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Clear Comprehensive Ideas
To achieve a higher score, ensure that all ideas and examples are explained with sufficient detail. Although your examples are relevant, they could be further elaborated to provide a more comprehensive illustration of your points.
Logical Structure
While the essay is well-structured, using varied linking words and sentences will enhance the fluidity and coherence further, making it more engaging for the reader.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing the argument.
Complete Response
You have addressed multiple dimensions of the topic, such as health issues, youth unemployment, and retaining skilled workers, demonstrating a thorough and balanced analysis.
Relevant Specific Examples
The use of specific examples, like the case of Vietnam, adds credibility to your arguments and demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: