It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

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this

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day and age, it is a common belief that teaching

students

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local

history

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is an indispensable and important part.

However

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, I firmly believe that learning

world

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history

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also

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a way to help

students

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better understand the outside

world

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. will shed light on my opinion in the following essay. On the one hand, Learning local

history

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help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

students

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better understand the process of forming the country.

Firstly

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, Learning national

history

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provides a deep understanding of a community

students

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will better understand the origins, development and important events that have shaped their local community.

For example

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, In Hue

students

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can learn about the origin and meaning of the Hue Festival, a major cultural event that takes place every two years to

honor

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honour

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Hue's royal and folk culture.

Furthermore

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, Studying Vietnamese

history

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helps

students

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understand the country's development through historical periods. They will learn about important figures who contributed to the creation of Vietnamese identity and culture.

On the other hand

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, Learning

world

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history

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also

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a part of helping

students

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become more aware of the

world

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In addition

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students

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will gain a comprehensive view of the development of civilizations and cultures around the

world

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This

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will help broaden their understanding and vision of the diversity and richness of humanity.

Besides

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, International

history

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helps

students

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better understand important events and global trends that have led to the industrial revolution, and challenges

such

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as climate change and international conflicts.

To sum up

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, learning local

history

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is an indispensable part of preserving national identity.

However

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world

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history

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also

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helps

students

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understand the

world

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more deeply.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your introduction should ideally outline the points you intend to discuss in your essay. As it stands, it hints at both sides but could be clearer in setting up the main arguments to come.

coherence cohesion

While you have organized your points well, there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Consider proofreading to improve readability.

task achievement

The essay could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points, especially in the sections discussing world history.

coherence cohesion

You have clearly structured paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic, which shows good organization.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without simply reiterating them verbatim from the introduction and body paragraphs.

task achievement

You have a balanced perspective, acknowledging the importance of both local and world history and covering both sides well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Prevention is more important than cure. researching and treating disease is very costly, so it is better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers who make greater contributions to the society should be paid more than those people in the field of sports and entertainment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us longer pay attention to it.to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.