It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schoolchildren #history #world

this

day and age, it is a common belief that teaching

students

local

history

is an indispensable and important part.

However

, I firmly believe that learning

world

history

also

a way to help

students

better understand the outside

world

. will shed light on my opinion in the following essay. On the one hand, Learning local

history

help

Correct subject-verb agreement

helps

show examples

students

better understand the process of forming the country.

Firstly

, Learning national

history

provides a deep understanding of a community

students

will better understand the origins, development and important events that have shaped their local community.

For example

, In Hue

students

can learn about the origin and meaning of the Hue Festival, a major cultural event that takes place every two years to

honor

Change the spelling

honour

show examples

Hue's royal and folk culture.

Furthermore

, Studying Vietnamese

history

helps

students

understand the country's development through historical periods. They will learn about important figures who contributed to the creation of Vietnamese identity and culture.

On the other hand

, Learning

world

history

also

a part of helping

students

become more aware of the

world

In addition

students

will gain a comprehensive view of the development of civilizations and cultures around the

world

This

will help broaden their understanding and vision of the diversity and richness of humanity.

Besides

, International

history

helps

students

better understand important events and global trends that have led to the industrial revolution, and challenges

such

as climate change and international conflicts.

To sum up

, learning local

history

is an indispensable part of preserving national identity.

However

world

history

also

helps

students

understand the

world

more deeply.

Submitted by quynhtranhbh on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your introduction should ideally outline the points you intend to discuss in your essay. As it stands, it hints at both sides but could be clearer in setting up the main arguments to come.

coherence cohesion

While you have organized your points well, there are some minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. Consider proofreading to improve readability.

task achievement

The essay could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points, especially in the sections discussing world history.

coherence cohesion

You have clearly structured paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic, which shows good organization.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without simply reiterating them verbatim from the introduction and body paragraphs.

task achievement

You have a balanced perspective, acknowledging the importance of both local and world history and covering both sides well.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

heritage
cultural identity
ancestry
traditions
globalization
empathy
contemporary issues
integrate
perspective
civilization
diversity
innovations
historical significance
nationalism
cosmopolitanism
historiography
geopolitical

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It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many countries, plastic containers have become more common than ever and are used by many food and drink companies. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to leam this.