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Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #future
Sometimes it is argued that everyone, including young people, should save their
money
 for the future. To some extent, I agree with
this
 notion .
While
 I believe most of the time it can be a good approach to save
money
 for the future, sometimes spending
money
instead
 of saving it would be a better idea. On the one hand, saving
money
 has many advantages.
Firstly
, it would be a good practice to save
money
. Individuals, mostly teenagers can improve their financial skills.
Secondly
, storing
money
 in long-term periods can be beneficial after retirement, many people cannot work after retirement, and
also
 they are not entitled to any income, so saving
money
 from an early age would be the only way for these citizens.
Lastly
, it is worth mentioning that by saving
money
 and making a plan for the future, young people can learn to be patient, in my opinion it is a practical skill nowadays.
On the other hand
, we cannot ignore the negative sides of storing
money
. In many developing countries, the value of currency fell drastically each year.
For instance
, in my country, with the
money
 you could buy a car five years ago, you can buy a cell phone these days,
thus
, saving
money
instead
 of investing it is just a waste of
money
.
Also
, working and using some products are only interesting for youngsters.
For example
, I could enjoy wearing a brand-new Rolex watch, but currently, I do not have the enthusiasm to buy these items.
Similarly
, sometimes it is better to learn how to make more
money
instead
 of saving
money
. In conclusion, I believe that saving
money
 has both advantages and drawbacks,
therefore
 before saving
money
, we should consider our situation.
Submitted by amir1375.6 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate on your main points with more specific examples and details to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are fully supported with relevant examples and explanations to enrich the content.
coherence cohesion
Consider revising your conclusion to directly restate your opinion and summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a thoughtful approach to the topic, acknowledging both the advantages and disadvantages of saving money.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and serve their purposes effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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