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Band 5.5

Some poeople think it is more important to spend moeny on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railways and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#poeople #moeny #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
It is said that
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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money should be invested in motorways and
roads
 rather than
on
Change preposition
in
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 systems of public
transport
such
 as railways and trams.
This
 writer disagrees with
this
 statement because
with
Add the comma(s)
, with
show examples
 more
roads
, there will be more negative effects on the environment,
while
 with the development of local
transport
, there will be a range of benefits. It is evident that the emissions poured out of vehicles
such
 as cars, trucks and motorbikes have contributed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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climate change throughout the world. With the expansion of
roads
, we are likely to offer new cars to drive and increase the amount of exhaust fume
to
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in
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 the air.
As a result
,
this
 has
profound
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a profound
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 effect
to
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on
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 the ozone layers which leads to some disastrous consequences,
for example
the
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apply
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global warming.
Moreover
, with the construction of new motorways, the government has to cut down trees, which capture carbon dioxide and transfer it into oxygen which
help
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helps
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 to reduce
the
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apply
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air pollution, and accommodation not only
have
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contribution
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contributes
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 to
the
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biodiversity as they narrow the habitats for animals and plants but
also
 do not accepted by citizens.
However
, developing public
transport
 has lots of advantages.
Firstly
, with more trains, buses and subways, it could lessen the number of private vehicles.
Consequently
, purifying the air because there aren’t too
much
Change the quantifier
many
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 emissions poured out.
Secondly
, applying trains for trading products is another benefit
should
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that should
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 be considered. Irrefutably, there are two main ways of transporting goods
are
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by planes and ships. If we add trains for
delivering
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delivery
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, it could be beneficial as it is cheaper than
plane
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planes
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 and faster than ships. In conclusion, extending public
transport
 infrastructure could have
variety
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a variety
show examples
 of benefits compared with many drawbacks from enhancing
roads
 and motorways.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both sides of the argument. To achieve a higher score, you might want to provide more specific examples to support your points further.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured, and your essay flows well from one point to the next. Ensure to develop each main point more thoroughly to add depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and provide a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally well-supported with relevant points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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