Some people think that the main purpose of school is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit children as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals say that the main goal of many schools is teaching students become to good dwellers and workers, rather than to bring benefits to themself. In my perspective, I agree with the second statement and will explain the reason in the following essay. It is vital to understand that schools play an important role in teaching and developing
skills
for
children
to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good people.
This
is because
teachers
will always bring new lessons or interesting things for their
children
to learn and explore.
Besides
that, they
also
help
children
know more about themselves, their hobbies and careers
children
. For that,
teachers
will help
children
find a good way to become good citizens.
For example
,
teachers
also
organizes
Change the verb form
organize
show examples
a festival or an exam to teach
children
a good view of their attitude.
On the other hand
,
teachers
also
guide
children
to the truth and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fail to develop their talent which is good for their future. Students can imagine and develop their
skills
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
their
teachers
.
This
can help
children
develop and improve their
skills
and can bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them many benefits for their attempt.
For instance
,if
aperson
Correct your spelling
a person
is good at swimming and wants to attend an international competition, she/he has to practice a lot and have a guide from her/his teacher to improve the
active
Replace the word
activity
show examples
and develop more
skills
. In sum , many schools teach
children
not only teach
children
to become good citizens but
also
help them to bring own their benefits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay should have a clearer and more specific thesis statement in the introduction to set the direction for the arguments presented. It's a bit unclear whether you fully agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Work on developing each main point with more details and clearer examples. This will make your arguments more compelling and well-supported.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's coherence and cohesion could be improved by better linking sentences and paragraphs. Utilize transition words and phrases to help the essay flow more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, "good dwellers" is not a common phrase in English, and "bring benefits to themself" should be "bring benefits to themselves." Paying attention to such details could improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Your structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide examples to support your points, which is crucial for making strong arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • shaping
  • developing
  • unique talents
  • potential
  • well-rounded
  • academic
  • social
  • emotional development
  • personal growth
  • contribute positively
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • individuality
  • happier and more fulfilled
  • strike a balance
  • preparing students for the workforce
  • nurturing
  • individual needs
  • pursue passions and interests
  • thrive
  • future professionals
  • community institutions
  • shape community values
  • foster civic engagement
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!