IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

(VMN)Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems such as railway and trams. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#vmn #people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railway #trams
It is recently argued that there should be more investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 traffic infrastructure
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 the systems of public
transport
. Personally, the writer inclines towards the contrary as a way to reduce the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
vehicles
 on roads, which
subsequently
 eases many problems
such
 as congestion or in environmental terms. Nowadays, it is acknowledged that there are hundreds of traffic participants using their own
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 or
motorbike
Correct subject-verb agreement
motorbikes
show examples
 to freely move around.
This
 stems from various reasons, but mostly is because of their unpleasant experience when catching a bus or taking a train, which leads
so
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 a significant increase in private
transport
. Especially in Vietnam,
for instance
, where motorbikes dominate in the total of
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
vehicles
,
whereas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation is less used
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
As a result
, there will be more potential
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 traffic congestion during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peak time
as well as
 a noticeable number of accidents,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 more roads
are
Wrong verb form
will be
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 built up.
Hence
, if the public
transport
 services are invested to be improved and renovated,
this
 might encourage more people to use public
transport
 frequently, indirectly decreasing those existing problems. Another aspect worth mentioning when it comes to reducing the number of cars and motorbikes is about environment.
Vehicles
 are the major factor of
greenhouse
Correct article usage
the greenhouse
show examples
 effect when a car or a motorbike can give off a big amount of carbonic after travelling within a relatively short distance. What needs
concerning
Wrong verb form
to be considered
show examples
 is that in these years, more and more
vehicles
 are bought and used, leading to an enormous amount of carbon dioxide
emitted
Add a missing verb
being emitted
show examples
 into the atmosphere annually.
This
 results in not only global warming but
also
 air pollution, and badly affects
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human health. Calling the majority of people to attend public trains or trams is a practical solution to minimize the troubles.
Therefore
, the
transport
 publicly used should be prioritized. Taking all points into account, spending on public services’ improvement is likely to solve a wide abundance of problems existing, rather than paying for
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 motorways and roads. The writer,
thus
, tends to approve the opposite
site
Correct your spelling
side
show examples
 of the statement.
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task response
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic and sets the stage for the argument. However, consider making your thesis statement more concise and specific. For example, you could phrase it as: 'I believe that investing in public transportation systems is crucial for mitigating traffic congestion and environmental issues.'
task response
You provide a variety of reasons and examples to support your stance, which enhances your argument. However, be mindful of language clarity and precision. Phrases like 'what needs concerning' can be rephrased for better clarity, such as 'what needs to be considered.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between ideas. For instance, after discussing traffic congestion, clearly transition to environmental impacts by using transitional phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'Additionally,' to enhance flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs, but the conclusion could be stronger in summarizing the key points discussed. Consider rephrasing the conclusion to more effectively encapsulate your main arguments.
task response
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both the issue of traffic congestion and environmental concerns, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
task response
Your paragraphs present clear main points supported by relevant examples, such as the use of motorbikes in Vietnam, which adds specificity to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of your essay is commendable, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the problem.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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