Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures? What measures should be taken to reduce this pressure?
It is becoming increasingly prevalent for children to suffer from different pressures.
This
writer argues that this
tendency stems from rapid modernization and family expectations
while
it can be tackled by leading an idealistic lifestyle and joining different mental health courses.
The root cause of the issue is that adolescent has to study harder to catch up with social modernization which will create various pressures. To put it simply, as the world develops, it also
creates new assumptions and requires youngsters different criteria. People
have to endeavour and deal with many tribulations in order to get on with the modern community. Consequently
, the youth who do it will easily be under pressure
. In addition
, expectations
that family puts on their children play a vital role in conducting intentions. It is obvious that parents usually expect their children to be successful in their lives. Moreover
, those expectations
are proved by the actions toward their offspring by pushing or putting different intentions on them.
A solution that can be considered is that the youth should be realistic about their goals based on their ability. In other words
, if people
can perceive their limitations, they would not be put under pressure
to execute higher desires. But it does not mean offspring should not make an effort to garner their goals in lieu of that youngsters may be satisfied with what they gained after endeavouring. As a result
, youngsters will not be stressed or depressed while
facing this
issue.
Another remedy which can address or at least minimize the effect of this
problem is that young people
who suffer from pressures need to be treated with psychotherapy. In further
detail, if people
do not join in mental health courses or use treatments, the mental issue can negatively lead to depression. Furthermore
, a lot of specific advice will be given to the participants who take part in those courses and help them get away from pressure
. According to
research in India, 69% of people
who are under pressure
have no longer suffered from it after joining mental classes.
Thus
, the pressure
starts from the development of the community and parent's expectations
. Hence
it can solved by realizing their own abilities and using mental therapy.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
Your essay covers the task but could benefit from a clearer structure. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph.
task achievement
Some ideas are not fully developed. Make sure to elaborate on each point to make your arguments more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly detract from the overall coherence. Proofreading your work can help minimize these issues.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking phrases and words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help create a more cohesive essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the task, identifying the causes of pressure and suggesting measures to reduce it.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples and solutions, such as mental health courses, that directly relate to the issue at hand.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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