Overweight is a biggest issue. what is the reason?

#reason

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Obesity

Use synonyms

is becoming the most dangerous threat in the health sector.

People

Use synonyms

believe that thousands of

people

Use synonyms

are struggling with their weight. In

this

Linking Words

essay , I am going to explain the reason for

people

Use synonyms

becoming overweight and how to tackle

this

Linking Words

problem. There are two main factors that can cause

people

Use synonyms

overweight .

Firstly

Linking Words

, many factories and supermarkets are selling a lot of sweet and processed food. Those contain a large amount of sugar more than a daily intake .

Therefore

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

should be aware of their nutrition. It is no doubt true that you are what you eat and eating so much sugar can lead to serious major health problems.

Secondly

Linking Words

, a lack of physical exercise is one of the other issues that can make

people

Use synonyms

put on weight .Nowadays , the majority of

people

Use synonyms

do not enjoy doing any workouts and they tend to use buses or cars for transportation.

People

Use synonyms

spend their time watching movies ,playing games online or using social media.

Obesity

Use synonyms

can lead to serious health risks

such

Linking Words

as high blood pressure , stroke , type 2 diabetes , cancer and other skin diseases .

Moreover

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

are cruelly body-shaming them.

Then

Linking Words

, those

people

Use synonyms

tend to give up their lives by staying at home .Being overweight is not only

Change preposition

show examples

food . Some

people

Use synonyms

are suffering from it genetically. If they were in their shoes , they would not tease them.

Therefore

Linking Words

, governments and scientists are finding ways to cure

obesity

Use synonyms

. Scientists are conducting research on weight loss pills and drips .

In addition

Linking Words

, governments are imposing more taxes on processed food and some sugary products

while

Linking Words

reducing taxes on less sugar commodities. In conclusion ,

obesity

Use synonyms

is threatening consumers from all over the world and challenging scientists from the medical industry .

Therefore

Linking Words

,We should always find a way to tackle

this

Linking Words

problem for

people

Use synonyms

to live in healthy shapes.

Submitted by sandimyahla13 on Thu Apr 25 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language Variety

Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and depth to your arguments. This could help enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your points.

Supporting Details

It's helpful to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments regarding obesity causes and solutions. While your essay provides a good overview, further elaboration through examples would make your points more compelling.

Grammar

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure correct tense usage. While these do not significantly impact readability, they can detract from the overall professionalism of your essay.

Structure

You've presented a clear structure for your essay, effectively introducing the topic, discussing causes, implications, and proposing solutions, making your argument easy to follow.

Task Response

Your essay addresses the task fully, providing a comprehensive exploration of the reasons behind obesity and suggesting plausible ways to tackle the issue.

Cohesion

You've made good use of linking phrases to connect your ideas, which enhances the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agrée or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In sophisticated world , science is crucial part for every individual. It will help to improve people’s lives. From my perspective, this trend is completely agreed due to growing numbers of agricultural and medical benefits. However, emerging issues seem to be loom over this prospect, which will be discussed below, and I will offer my views.
7
band
Topic: Some people argue that technological advancements have made our lives easier, while others believe that they have led to increased stress and isolation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In today's rapidly evolving world, technological advancements have revolutionized the way we live, work, and interact with one another. While some argue that these advancements have significantly improved our lives by making tasks more efficient and accessible, others contend that they have contributed to heightened stress levels and increased social isolation.
<4
band
In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses?
In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. Let’s consider what are the advantages and disadvantages of working for such environment.
7.5
band
Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others beilieve that the purpose of the museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
In recent years,there has been a growing debate regarding what the main purpose of museums should be.While some assert that museums should be a place where individuals can enjoy themselves as it can be a more effective way of learning as well as gaining more income,others,including me,believe that the major aim of museums should become to educate people because it is for gaining deeper understanding and broadening horizons of people,not for entertaining .
5.5
band
Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?
The topic of deserving salaries according to different sectors has long been a debatable topic. A common significant question is always standing in front of whether doctors, nurses and teachers deserve more salaries compared to media and sports celebrities or either way around . However, in my opinion, the societal pillars, namely, doctors, nurses and teachers deserve more recognition and salaries for their huge contribution towards society rather than celebrities belonging to the entertainment and sports sectors.

Overweight is a biggest issue. what is the reason?

Your opinion

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agrée or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Topic: Some people argue that technological advancements have made our lives easier, while others believe that they have led to increased stress and isolation. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In the past, most people worked for small businesses, while more people now work for large businesses. What are the advantages and disadvantages of working for large businesses?

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others beilieve that the purpose of the museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?