Overweight is a biggest issue. what is the reason?

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Obesity

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is becoming the most dangerous threat in the health sector.

People

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believe that thousands of

people

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are struggling with their weight. In

this

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essay , I am going to explain the reason for

people

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becoming overweight and how to tackle

this

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problem. There are two main factors that can cause

people

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overweight .

Firstly

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, many factories and supermarkets are selling a lot of sweet and processed food. Those contain a large amount of sugar more than a daily intake .

Therefore

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people

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should be aware of their nutrition. It is no doubt true that you are what you eat and eating so much sugar can lead to serious major health problems.

Secondly

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, a lack of physical exercise is one of the other issues that can make

people

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put on weight .Nowadays , the majority of

people

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do not enjoy doing any workouts and they tend to use buses or cars for transportation.

People

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spend their time watching movies ,playing games online or using social media.

Obesity

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can lead to serious health risks

such

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as high blood pressure , stroke , type 2 diabetes , cancer and other skin diseases .

Moreover

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, some

people

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are cruelly body-shaming them.

Then

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, those

people

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tend to give up their lives by staying at home .Being overweight is not only

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show examples

food . Some

people

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are suffering from it genetically. If they were in their shoes , they would not tease them.

Therefore

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, governments and scientists are finding ways to cure

obesity

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. Scientists are conducting research on weight loss pills and drips .

In addition

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, governments are imposing more taxes on processed food and some sugary products

while

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reducing taxes on less sugar commodities. In conclusion ,

obesity

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is threatening consumers from all over the world and challenging scientists from the medical industry .

Therefore

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,We should always find a way to tackle

this

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problem for

people

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to live in healthy shapes.

sandimyahla13Thu Apr 25 2024

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Language Variety

Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and depth to your arguments. This could help enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your points.

Supporting Details

It's helpful to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments regarding obesity causes and solutions. While your essay provides a good overview, further elaboration through examples would make your points more compelling.

Grammar

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure correct tense usage. While these do not significantly impact readability, they can detract from the overall professionalism of your essay.

Structure

You've presented a clear structure for your essay, effectively introducing the topic, discussing causes, implications, and proposing solutions, making your argument easy to follow.

Task Response

Your essay addresses the task fully, providing a comprehensive exploration of the reasons behind obesity and suggesting plausible ways to tackle the issue.

Cohesion

You've made good use of linking phrases to connect your ideas, which enhances the coherence and cohesion of your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Overweight is a biggest issue. what is the reason?

Your opinion

In most countries multinational companies and their products are becoming more and more important. This trend is seriously damaging our quality of life. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interesting in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.