Overweight is a biggest issue. what is the reason?
Obesity
is becoming the most dangerous threat in the health sector. People
believe that thousands of people
are struggling with their weight. In this
essay , I am going to explain the reason for people
becoming overweight and how to tackle this
problem.
There are two main factors that can cause people
overweight . Firstly
, many factories and supermarkets are selling a lot of sweet and processed food. Those contain a large amount of sugar more than a daily intake .Therefore
, people
should be aware of their nutrition. It is no doubt true that you are what you eat and eating so much sugar can lead to serious major health problems. Secondly
, a lack of physical exercise is one of the other issues that can make people
put on weight .Nowadays , the majority of people
do not enjoy doing any workouts and they tend to use buses or cars for transportation. People
spend their time watching movies ,playing games online or using social media.
Obesity
can lead to serious health risks such
as high blood pressure , stroke , type 2 diabetes , cancer and other skin diseases . Moreover
, some people
are cruelly body-shaming them. Then
, those people
tend to give up their lives by staying at home .Being overweight is not only by
food . Some Change preposition
to
people
are suffering from it genetically. If they were in their shoes , they would not tease them. Therefore
, governments and scientists are finding ways to cure obesity
. Scientists are conducting research on weight loss pills and drips . In addition
, governments are imposing more taxes on processed food and some sugary products while
reducing taxes on less sugar commodities.
In conclusion , obesity
is threatening consumers from all over the world and challenging scientists from the medical industry .Therefore
,We should always find a way to tackle this
problem for people
to live in healthy shapes.Submitted by sandimyahla13 on
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Language Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to add complexity and depth to your arguments. This could help enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your points.
Supporting Details
It's helpful to include more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments regarding obesity causes and solutions. While your essay provides a good overview, further elaboration through examples would make your points more compelling.
Grammar
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure correct tense usage. While these do not significantly impact readability, they can detract from the overall professionalism of your essay.
Structure
You've presented a clear structure for your essay, effectively introducing the topic, discussing causes, implications, and proposing solutions, making your argument easy to follow.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the task fully, providing a comprehensive exploration of the reasons behind obesity and suggesting plausible ways to tackle the issue.
Cohesion
You've made good use of linking phrases to connect your ideas, which enhances the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
Your opinion
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