IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think it is more important to spend money on roads and motorways than on public transport systems.

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems
The
passage
 discusses the debate surrounding the allocation of investment budgets in transportation infrastructure, specifically focusing on the prioritization of roads and motorways over public
transport
 like railways and trams. The writer presents a counterargument to the prevalent viewpoint, emphasizing the negative impact of pollutants associated with private vehicle usage. The
passage
 highlights the increasing popularity of private vehicles globally, leading to issues
such
 as congestion, pollution, and compromised air quality. It posits that investing in the refurbishment of roads and motorways could serve as a solution to these problems.
Additionally
, it argues that developing a private
transport
 system can enhance citizen safety and reduce risks. The
passage
also
 contends that investing in road infrastructure should prioritize serving local residents, citing examples
such
 as the holiday and weekend highway congestion in China.
However
, the
passage
also
 advocates for government subsidization of public
transport
 systems
such
 as railways and trams. It suggests that improving public
transport
 options could contribute to a reduction in pollutants by decreasing the reliance on private vehicles.
This
, in turn, would lead to lower emissions of greenhouse gases, contributing to the preservation of the ozone layer.
Furthermore
, it asserts that bolstering public
transport
 can improve air quality and aid in the fight against global warming.
Lastly
, it highlights the potential for residents to save money on fuel and vehicle repairs by utilizing public
transport
. In conclusion, the
passage
 urges the government to encourage the use of public
transport
due to
 its affordability and environmentally friendly nature.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points. Examples could include data or case studies that clearly demonstrate the benefits or drawbacks of investing in either roads and motorways or public transport systems.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer introduction that outlines the main argument you will present, as well as a more distinct conclusion that neatly summarizes the key points discussed.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that are easy to understand and follow.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure throughout the essay, making it easy to follow the flow of the argument.
task achievement Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes both sides of the argument, providing a balanced perspective on the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Infrastructure
  • Transportation
  • Congestion
  • Economy
  • Carbon emissions
  • Pollution
  • Social inclusion
  • Urban development
  • Efficient
  • Investment
  • Reliance
  • Boosting
  • Affordable
  • Private vehicle users
  • Public transport system
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