IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #purpose #schools #children #citizens #workers #benefit #individuals
It is considered that educating
children
 to be good citizens and workers is more necessary than benefits them as individuals. The writer holds a belief that effective education balances enhancing kids' unique
skills
 and turning them into complimentary residents.
To begin
 with, the primary purpose of going to the institute is to improve students' literacy ability and knowledge about the world around them. To clarify
this
 point, during the school year, teachers have a responsibility to navigate students' learning in the right way, ensuring that they can accomplish essential knowledge to serve their lives.
For example
, there are
also
 some subjects like Literature or History that give kids information about Vietnamese culture and traditions, providing a sense of belonging and enhancing their love of the country.
Besides
, focusing on soft
skills
 plays a pivotal role in our society nowadays, creating more opportunities for the young to comprehend themselves. To explain
this
 idea, improving specific
skills
such
 as communication or teamwork at a young age supports
children
 in being confident and showing off all their talents, drawing the attention of employers.
For instance
, in HCM city,
children
 are allowed to practice in a laboratory or present in front of audiences in educational infrastructures.
Furthermore
, they are
also
 taking part in
speech
Fix the agreement mistake
speeches
show examples
 talk about critical thinking or self-educated. T Taking everything into account, both opinions are necessary to create good citizens.
Although
 gaining knowledge is important, learning soft
skills
 supports
children
 in practising those in real-life
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Organize your ideas more clearly by using paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single idea or theme. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
content
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and strengthen your response.
language
Be careful with grammar and wording. Small errors can affect clarity, so proofread your work to minimize mistakes.
vocabulary
Improve your vocabulary to better express nuanced ideas. This can make your writing more sophisticated and engaging.
framework
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points. This provides a clear framework for your essay.
content
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
structure
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which provides a clear structure to the response.
examples
The examples provided in the essay, such as the reference to subjects like Literature and History, help illustrate the points being made.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!