does being famous have more advantages or more disadvantages

Nowadays, most residents believe that becoming well-known has more advantages than disadvantages.
This
essay will talk about the pros and cons of being famous and give my opinion that there are more drawbacks than benefits. On the one hand, admittedly, if residents are famous, they might
also
become wealthy.
Therefore
, their life will be better as they can use money to improve their quality of life
such
as buying new houses or cars. Another advantage is having fans and a reputation. Almost all stars usually receive letters of admiration and presents from their fans.
Besides
, celebrities have special exclusive rights for them.
For instance
, when famous people visit emporiums, they do not have to wait in queues or sometimes they can purchase free stuff.
Moreover
, stars can use their fame and money to help good causes
such
as if they give money to charity, others will do so too.
On the other hand
, some problems need to be paid attention to.
First,
it can be said that celebrities' private lives are not safe. They usually suffer from the following: paparazzi and reporters taking their photos everywhere and every time.
In addition
, stars have to be under pressure to maintain their image.
Moreover
, They often have to appear perfect in front of the public, or groups of anti-fans will criticize them. Even
this
pressure and criticism can cause their psychology to crumble and make them become depressed. In conclusion, being famous would be great and have many benefits, but in my view, the drawbacks still outweigh them.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

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task achievement
Develop the main points of each paragraph further. For example, elaborate more on how celebrities use their fame for good causes.
coherence and cohesion
Work on expanding the range of cohesive devices you are using to ensure smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the position and outlines the upcoming discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of being famous.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is good, and each paragraph is dedicated to a particular aspect of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bilingual
  • multilingual
  • fluency
  • communicate
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
  • academic achievement
  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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