IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries.very few young people are willing to do unpaid community service (for example,working for charity,improving the neighborhood,or teaching sports to younger children) What problems might this cause? What do you think is the best way to solve these problems?

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In various nations, a noticeable decline in youth engagement in unpaid
community
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service
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—
such
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 as volunteering for charities, enhancing local
neighborhoods
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neighbourhoods
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, or coaching sports for younger children—has become a pressing concern.
This
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 trend can lead to several societal challenges, but there are effective strategies to address these issues. One significant problem is the erosion of social cohesion.
Community
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service
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 fosters a sense of unity and shared responsibility among residents. When young individuals abstain from
such
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 activities, communities may experience weakened bonds, leading to increased social fragmentation and a diminished collective identity.
Moreover
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, many non-profit organizations and local initiatives rely heavily on volunteers to function effectively. A shortage of young volunteers can impede these organizations’ abilities to provide essential services, thereby affecting vulnerable populations who depend on their support.
Additionally
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, the lack of involvement in
community
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service
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 deprives young people of opportunities for personal growth and skill development. Engaging in volunteer activities cultivates essential life skills, including leadership, empathy, teamwork, and effective communication. Without these experiences, young individuals may find themselves less prepared to navigate interpersonal relationships and professional environments successfully. To mitigate these challenges, a multifaceted approach is required. Educational institutions can integrate
community
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service
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 into their curricula, making it a mandatory component of student development.
This
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 integration not only normalizes volunteerism but
also
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 underscores its importance in personal and societal contexts. Governments and non-governmental organizations can collaborate to launch awareness campaigns that highlight the tangible benefits of
community
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 involvement, thereby reshaping perceptions and emphasizing its value.
Moreover
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, creating accessible and diverse volunteering opportunities that align with the interests and skills of young people can enhance engagement rates. Providing recognition,
such
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 as certificates or awards, can
further
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 incentivize participation by acknowledging and valuing their contributions. In conclusion, the reluctance of young individuals to participate in unpaid
community
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service
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 presents significant challenges to societal cohesion and individual development.
However
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, through strategic educational reforms, targeted awareness campaigns, and the creation of appealing volunteer opportunities, it is possible to revitalize the spirit of volunteerism among the youth, thereby strengthening both
community
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 bonds and personal growth trajectories.

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task response
While the essay presents a clear argument and organization, you could further strengthen your points with more concrete examples to illustrate your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow of ideas within and between paragraphs, making your argument even more cohesive.
content
The essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and clearly outlines the problems and solutions conveniently, making it informative and insightful.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize and encapsulate the main ideas, providing a strong framework for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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