IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Fast-paced life and cut-throat competition in
job
Use synonyms
 markets
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 are encouraging more young blood to take vocational courses than conventional degrees in universities.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both the merits and demerits of
this
Linking Words
 scenario in upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, vocational educational programs are shorter in length, compared to a
degree
Use synonyms
 in a
university
Use synonyms
, which allows
students
Use synonyms
 to complete the necessary study in less time and acquire the required skills for
job
Use synonyms
 security.
For example
Linking Words
, GGSD
University
Use synonyms
 offers mechanical vocational training for six months but the same educational institution has a master's of mechanical engineering
degree
Use synonyms
 lasting for 4 years.
Moreover
Linking Words
, short-length courses are
also
Linking Words
 very cheap and save a lot of money, which is why young people choose these training courses because young
students
Use synonyms
 these days are in greater depression
due to
Linking Words
 their lack of financial support from families.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey conducted by a regional newspaper in Toronto Canada, more international
students
Use synonyms
 choose short-length vocational diplomas, because they are cheaper than
university
Use synonyms
 degrees and it helps the
students
Use synonyms
 to achieve their financial stability if they have less burden of tuition fees.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, choosing vocational education over a professional
degree
Use synonyms
 can halt the career progression of
students
Use synonyms
 when they graduate. For reference, if a student graduates with a professional
degree
Use synonyms
, has a higher chance of securing a well-paid and higher rank
job
Use synonyms
, compared to a student who graduated with six months of training.
However
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 with work-based training may only be able to get an entry-level
job
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
 it. Vocational training is good for
students
Use synonyms
 to obtain part-time jobs, But young people should always focus on professional development with
university
Use synonyms
 degrees, So they can achieve their desired goals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the topic but could benefit from a more precise thesis statement that directly answers the question regarding advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are generally well-structured, but transitioning between ideas can be smoother. Consider using linking phrases to enhance flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Each paragraph presents relevant points, yet some examples could be more detailed or explained further to strengthen your argument and add depth to your discussion.
task achievement
You have successfully identified both the advantages and disadvantages of vocational training in your response, demonstrating a balanced viewpoint.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as the comparison of duration and cost of programs, effectively illustrates your points and reinforces your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: