IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think the best way to stay fit is joining a gym/health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #gym #health #club #activities #stairs
A healthy lifestyle has become a huge trend in the Western world in the
21
Correct your spelling
21st
 century, so people
try
Add the particle
try to
show examples
 use all available resources, starting with classical walks or professional gyms. Both ways help to achieve
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
untimate
Correct your spelling
ultimate
 goal
"
Change preposition
of "stay
show examples
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 fit", and each way has its own advantages.  Running, being a twin brother with walking, is the cheapest way to train
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is free. A person needs only a pair of comfortable shoes and time;
therefore
, any person can either practice gentle walking or perform sprint runs. By changing a place to run,
one
 keeps motivation high and stimulates constant
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
Also
, popular applications in smartphones track performance through different KPIs,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 a pace, a distance, and a heartbeat. Peers who you compete with make the process more entertaining. Specialized health clubs,
however
, provide customers with a variety of different exercises,
such
 as
ashtanga
Capitalize word
Ashtanga
show examples
 yoga, swimming with a coach, and jogging classes in a group. By paying money, customers expect both attention from staff and a comfortable environment. Professional trainers,
thus
, lead
one
 through individual training programs and protect against any physical traumas.
One
 of the most underestimated points in gyms is the availability of a shower immediately after an intense
10-kilometer
Change the spelling
10-kilometre
show examples
work out
Join the words
workout
show examples
. "The less you train, the less you are ready for an upcoming summer,": says the motto of the famous Arnold's Gym;
as a result
, no matter which option is more suitable to the person, as long as the
one
 trains, he or she helps to his immune system perform well.
Submitted by mr.jailybaev on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction and conclusion
Ensure the conclusion is more conclusive and wraps up the discussion neatly, summarizing the key points and directly stating your opinion.
grammar and clarity
Improve sentence clarity and grammar to convey ideas more effectively. For example, 'Therefore, any person can either practice gentle walking or perform sprint runs.' can be rephrased for clarity.
relevant specific examples
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as running being a free way to train and the variety of exercises offered by health clubs.
logical structure
The essay is structured logically and the main points are well-supported. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the topic, making the argument easy to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cardiovascular health
  • resistance training
  • physical endurance
  • muscle tone
  • caloric expenditure
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivational factor
  • fitness regimen
  • holistic health
  • sustainable exercise habit
  • metabolic rate
  • physical exertion
  • exercise consistency
  • health maintenance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: