IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Many people believe that music is just a form of entertainment, whilst others believe that music has a much larger impact on society today. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #music #form #entertainment #whilst #impact #society
Many
people
 think of
music
 as only for recreational purposes,
while
 others perceive it to contain substantial contributions to various aspects of life. In my opinion,
this
 art form held more significant value to our society than just amusement. It is comprehensible that some claim
music
 serves only entertainment, as
that is
 what they use
music
 for. A part of the audience plays
songs
 in their spare time in order to up their mood and relax, without any
further
 implications.
Therefore
, they may only see the core value of
music
 as relaxation.
In addition
, others may argue that the
music
's nature is amusing because it has been created and used in festivals and parties throughout human history, which does not have any remarkable effect apart from celebrating.
On the other hand
, melodies and
songs
 may contain numerous other effects, including cultural, political and economic. In detail, by producing musical artwork,
people
 can preserve intangible cultural heritage,
such
 as classical
music
.
Furthermore
,
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
communist
songs
 in the Vietnam War to encourage young men to enlist in the military as an example of how parties might use
songs
 to serve political aims. Another aspect to mention is how profitable the
music
 industry is,
for instance
, "The Eras Tour" by Taylor Swift grossed $1 billion in 2023. Not only do politicians, economists, and
music
 producers receive advantages from
music
, but those listeners
also
 share benefits
due to
 the inspirational stories and influences that
music
 provides.
Although
 musical pieces are not always beneficial because some can use them for dark purposes, one thing that can be ascertained is how they widely affect
music
 listeners' perceptions and behaviour.
Overall
, there are some typical reasons why
people
 believe that these art pieces only contain recreational content.
However
, I share reservations with
people
 who find
music
 as an influential factor in nowadays society.
Submitted by cohoctro12122007 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt effectively, some points could be made clearer. Ensure your main arguments are easy to follow and closely linked to the thesis.
task achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. This will help illustrate your points more effectively and strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between ideas to ensure a smooth flow of information. This will improve the coherence and make your essay easier to read.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion on both views regarding the role of music in society, which is essential for a good response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and succinct, contributing positively to the overall structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are supported with relevant examples, which adds depth to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Escapism
  • 2. Social gatherings
  • 3. Cultural heritage
  • 4. Traditions
  • 5. Social change
  • 6. Political expression
  • 7. Awareness
  • 8. Community
  • 9. Belonging
  • 10. Therapeutic benefits
  • 11. Mental health
  • 12. Emotional expression
  • 13. Cognitive performance
  • 14. Concentration
  • 15. Memory
  • 16. Productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: