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Band 5

Some people say that tourism has many negative effects on the countries that people travel to. How true is this statement? What can tourists do to reduce the harmful effects of tourism on local cultures and environments? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience

#people #tourism #effects #countries #travel #tourists #cultures #environments
Some
people
 think that
Hardwork
 hands in achieving financial
success
 working hard does not contribute to financial
success
 discussible both views and give your opinion Today, a lot of
people
 are hardworking to achieve financial
success
. They try to make a career or create a business. Others believe that it is enough to wait
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
chance
 that will give you an opportunity to make money. From my point of view,
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
is increase
Change the verb form
is increased
is increasing
show examples
 the
chance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 achieving financial
success
. There are many histories
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 successes. A person
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 education and hard work.
As a result
, the financial
success
 is achieved.
For instance
, a businessman and an inventor of Ford company Henry Ford. Before,
people
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 horses for work and as a transport. Henry Ford had an incredible idea to create
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 first car and worked hard to implement it.
This
 man created
company
Correct article usage
a company
show examples
, made life of
people
 easy and achieved financial
success
.
However
,
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not enough. Networking and soft skills are important to make a new project and promote it. Obviously, money can be earned by a good idea that was implemented in
actual
Add an article
an actual
the actual
show examples
 situation. Some service or product can be required in specific
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 sunny
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
 citizens agree
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 pay a high price for cold drinks
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 beaches. In these situations, enough to use the
chance
 and take the profit. These types of situations
also
 be applied in large
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
To sum up
,
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 gives opportunity to achieve financial
success
. A large number of stories where
success
achieved
Add a missing verb
is achieved
show examples
 by hard work. What’s
more
Add a comma
more,
show examples
 it is important communication skills and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not lose a
chance
 when it can be.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task response
It's important to thoroughly address both sides of the argument. While you have discussed the role of hard work in achieving financial success, more elaboration is needed on the opposing view—that waiting for an opportunity or having a good idea can also lead to financial success.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well supported by examples and explanations. Transition sentences between paragraphs can help improve the logical flow of your essay.
task response
Work on sentence structure and grammar. For instance, 'Hardwork hands in achieving financial success working hard does not contribute...' should be corrected for clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the argument and context.
task response
Your use of a specific example, like Henry Ford, adds value and helps illustrate your point about hard work leading to financial success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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