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Band 7

Everyone should adopt a vegetarian diet because eating meat can cause serious health problems. Do you agree or disagree?

#diet #meat #health
People think everyone should eat non-dairy-based products
due to
 the health issues caused by consuming dairy. There is a scientific explanation for
this
 statement and I strongly disagree with that prohibition. Not only does that affect the surroundings, but
also
 affects people’s economy. Suggesting the population only eat a diet rather than consume animals was not a good solution as that would limit the amount of vegetables in nature. That suggestion will only lead to a reduction amount of plants in the wildlife because most of them are consumed by humans. The limited amount of crops in nature will danger animals that feed them as their consumption is gone.
This
 will lead to
habitat
 disruption as the symbiote in nature is
also
 disrupted, destroying the
habitat
 as the final consequence.
For example
, There is an accident in Indonesia where some crops fail to grow
due to
 weather conditions. Evidence shows that the number of its consumers like mice, is reduced. The small number of mice
also
 reduces the number of its surrounding predators
such
 as eagles. The eagle reduction will
also
 affect other creatures and will eventually endanger its surrounding
habitat
. Making the population only consume plant-based cuisine will directly affect the people’s economy That cuisine
also
 has the same ingredients,
hence
 the request for them is increasing.
Moreover
, increasing demand for that will end up creating an over-demand situation where that situation is making the plant ingredients rise and affecting the citizen’s expenditure. A similar situation
also
 can be found if there is a vegan trend in societies. That trend leads to the rising demand for plant ingredients and affects product prices. The rising price of the stock does not help to reduce consumer expenditure. The increasing expenditure will affect their economy. In short, I disagree with the suggestion as that could harm the
habitat
. It
also
 could stack up families' expenditures for their consumable items
hence
 affecting their recession.
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure the introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss and provides a clear stance on the topic.
relevant specific examples
Ensure that main points are thoroughly supported with relevant specific examples. The example from Indonesia is a good start but could be expanded to better support the argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on sentence structure and grammar to improve clarity. For example, sentences like 'The limited amount of crops in nature will danger animals that feed them as their consumption is gone' can be made clearer.
complete response
The essay addresses both environmental and economic implications of a vegetarian diet, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
logical structure
There is a logical structure to the essay, with different paragraphs addressing distinct points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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