IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some peopel believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, umproving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger childern. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Community
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services
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 are now becoming common in most countries around the world.
While
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 some people think that these unpaid
services
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 should be mandatory among high
school
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 pupils, others are of the opinion that these are physically demanding to students at
this
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 age. I completely agree with the fact that philanthropic activities should be included as part of the curriculum as they develop a sense of compassion towards others at an early age. It is highly important that education should teach young boys and girls not only about academic studies but
also
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 human values
such
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 as helping the poor and elderly, sharing knowledge with those who are deprived of it and so on.
Furthermore
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, these traits should be nurtured during their childhood days because as they grow up they might lose interest in paying attention to these essential qualities.
For instance
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, it is compulsory for high
school
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children
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 in the USA to take part in social work and one of the surveys shows that these pupils are compassionate towards others.
Therefore
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,
school
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 curriculums must be enhanced to include unpaid
community
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services
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 so that
children
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 develop humane values which are vital to society.
On the contrary
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, it is undeniable that these acts require some physical health which may not be the same for all students.
In addition
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, some
children
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 may not have enough strength to spend the whole day working in a neighbourhood since they are not physically fit.
For example
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, a group of students in Australia suffered from dehydration
while
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 they went to public work outside.
Thus
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, considering these health aspects, the inclusion of
community
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services
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 as a subject in high schools is a debatable topic.
To sum up
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, even though
community
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services
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 help
children
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 to develop good character traits, these require physical abilities which may not be similar for all
children
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.
However
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, from my point of view, unpaid
community
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services
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 should be made compulsory in high
school
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 programmes in order to build qualitative personalities and thereby a better society.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout and addresses the topic effectively. Make sure to also explicitly acknowledge opposing viewpoints if you mention them in your thesis to enhance balance and objectivity.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are logically structured and easy to follow, using a few more cohesive devices could improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Ensure smooth transitions to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively summarize your key points, adding strength to your argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with specific examples and relevant details, making your argument more convincing.
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