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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

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It is certainly true that people from some nations do not play
sports
Use synonyms
 or do exercise classes but rather prefer to hire a personal fitness coach.
This
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 is
due to
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 the expertise support and advice from the trainer to follow a systematic approach to
body
Use synonyms
 fitness.
Nevertheless
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,
this
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 is considered a negative development as playing different
sports
Use synonyms
 gives more benefits.
To begin
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 with, people nowadays very health alert. They want to be active and physically fit at older age. Since they are not experts and not aware of the tools and techniques which support them
while
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 exercising, they choose a personal health trainer who provides a stagewise systematic plan which makes individuals more flexible and motivated. The presence of a coach takes care of any wrong posture or
body
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 movement.
As a result
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, a person can see the desired result effectively.
For example
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, many celebrities always select the best personal trainer to make their life easy, and convenient for effective outcomes on the
body
Use synonyms
 layout.
On the other hand
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, keeping a dedicated instructor does not seem like a good decision. It costs a lot. After the pandemic, the trend has increased,
however
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, it will create a burden on financial planning.
Moreover
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, getting exposure to
sports
Use synonyms
 or doing exercises with others is vital as it increases teamwork, and changes attitude and other social and behavioural skills. It has been often seen that a person who plays a variety of
sports
Use synonyms
 outside has more weather exposure which supports him for
body
Use synonyms
 fitness.
For instance
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, as per research conducted by the University of Japan, more than 50 per cent of parents prefer to send their adult children to play various
sports
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is obvious that having individual trainers a good choice for personal attention and advice,
however
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, not playing
sports
Use synonyms
 has many negative effects which can impact the
body
Use synonyms
as well as
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 personal development.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively by discussing both reasons and the positive/negative aspects of hiring a personal fitness trainer. However, the development of your main points could be more comprehensive. Try to elaborate further on your examples, adding more detail and diversity. For example, when mentioning celebrities, provide a specific case or delve deeper into the general trend and its implications.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is good overall with clear introductory and concluding paragraphs. However, be mindful of paragraph transitions. Adding more linking phrases between paragraphs could enhance the flow of your essay. You could use phrases like 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'Conversely' to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are clear but could be supported better with specific examples and data. For instance, when discussing the social benefits of sports, you can provide examples of studies or articles in addition to the Japanese University study you mentioned. This could make your arguments more persuasive and well-rounded.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the context for your discussion and outlines the main points.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your essay well and relates back to your initial points.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and provides valid reasons as well as a clear opinion on the matter.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
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