IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some parts of the world it is increasingly popular to research the history of one’s own family. Why do people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #research #history #one’s #people #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People do more and more genealogy about family nowadays. The writer of
this
 essay believes that discovering origins helps
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 with the medical history of ancestry.
However
,
this
 is a negative development
due to
 its cost which is paid to that investigation. One of the core reasons for researching the family’s history is to understand the well-being problems the family is having. To put it simply, grandparents have genetic disorders in genes which can lead to the next generations inheriting traits and having a risk of getting the same disease as them.
As a result
, of the exploration, society can follow their members’ energy carefully and
also
 give them treatment soon in order to improve and prevent the disease as much as possible.
Hence
, uncovering forebears gives folk knowledge of their
strength
Fix the agreement mistake
strengths
show examples
 and has solutions for that.
By contrast
, others believe
this
 notion is not essential because of wastes a huge amount of money.
That is
 to say, when it comes to genealogy, requires different sources
such
 as family records and historical documents which incur significant costs by using high-technology software. Take developed countries as an example,
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 have to pay a lot for assessing genealogy websites like Ancestry.com may be up to 50 USD per month.
Thus
, the price of
this
 probe is exorbitant for all
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
. In conclusion, even though
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 will find out the potential fitness risks by doing
analysis
Correct article usage
an analysis
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their family history, it is
also
 costly that not all
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 can pay.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that every paragraph connects logically to the next. Transitional phrases or linking words can make the essay flow better.
task achievement
For a more complete task response, focus on expanding each point with more relevant details and specific examples. Providing balanced arguments can also strengthen the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Try to use a broader range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and comprehension.
task achievement
The essay includes both positive and negative viewpoints, showing an attempt to provide a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and clearly outline the main idea of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: