IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

success is something which most people try to achieve. What can success mean to different people? What's your view of success?

#success #people
In the field of
success
, there is a belief that gaining the major pursuit is the main aim of it.
This
 essay claims that
money
 and stability are the two core factors of being successful for ambitious
people
 and simple
individuals
 respectively;
However
,
happiness
 is the writer's opinion. One of the most common types of
success
 is
money
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 most ambitious
people
 need
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
This
 means during
career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
show examples
 way, the competitive
individuals
 just pay much attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 earning
money
 without any
careness
Correct your spelling
care
 for both themselves and
surrounding
Correct pronoun usage
their surrounding
show examples
accquaintances
Correct your spelling
acquaintances
acquaintance
 or even their own families.
This
 leads to the life direction of pursuing the abundance of
money
 as their definition of acquiring
success
. In fact, there are
multitude
Add an article
a multitude
show examples
 of
billionares
Correct your spelling
billionaires
 who have a grim passion
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 expanding more riches in spite of gaining plenty of valuable achievements. Another significant element deciding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
 is stability in not only professional
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 but
also
 in private one.
In other words
,
there
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
individuals
 have enough ability to address their financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 encompassing taxes or incidental fees
as well as
 a few
amount
Change to a plural noun
amounts
show examples
 for their families.
Consequently
, they are able to undergo enjoyable
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
limited nervousness.
For instance
, in the UK, about 30% of residents
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are in favour of living peacefully
along with
 annually stable income as following low-paced lifestyle, which is considered as a
Correct your spelling
successful
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 requirement. From the writer's perspective,
happiness
 is the most general definition of gaining
success
. To be more specific, when
people
 reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a certain level
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all the fields comprising of occupation and relationships, these
individuals
 tend to be more satisfied
as well as
 interested in their life.
As a result
,
people
 will
in
Add a missing verb
be in
show examples
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
 prime of
happiness
, which enables
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 create the feeling of being successful. Take the
overall
 population in the world as a prime example, most citizens appreciate the level of
happiness
 as
trhe
Correct your spelling
the
 only valuable
success
. In conclusion,
success
 can be achieved via
money
 or stability with several
people
 typically ambitious and unsophisticated
individuals
.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the level of
happiness
 is
also
 the way to reach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on further developing your main points with more detailed and clear examples. This will help your argument become more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and range. Although small inaccuracies won't significantly lower your score, reducing them will make your essay more fluent and easy to read.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the main idea and sets up the structure of the essay well.
task achievement
You provide different perspectives on what success means to different people, which helps in addressing the task comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!