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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

success is something which most people try to achieve. What can success mean to different people? What's your view of success?

#success #people
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In the field of
success
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, there is a belief that gaining the major pursuit is the main aim of it.
This
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 essay claims that
money
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 and stability are the two core factors of being successful for ambitious
people
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 and simple
individuals
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 respectively;
However
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,
happiness
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 is the writer's opinion. One of the most common types of
success
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 is
money
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that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 most ambitious
people
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 need
for
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apply
show examples
.
This
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 means during
career
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their career
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 way, the competitive
individuals
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 just pay much attention
on
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to
show examples
 earning
money
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 without any
careness
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care
 for both themselves and
surrounding
Correct pronoun usage
their surrounding
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accquaintances
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acquaintances
acquaintance
 or even their own families.
This
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 leads to the life direction of pursuing the abundance of
money
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 as their definition of acquiring
success
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. In fact, there are
multitude
Add an article
a multitude
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 of
billionares
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billionaires
 who have a grim passion
on
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for
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 expanding more riches in spite of gaining plenty of valuable achievements. Another significant element deciding
the
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apply
show examples
success
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 is stability in not only professional
live
Replace the word
life
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 but
also
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 in private one.
In other words
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,
there
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these
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individuals
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 have enough ability to address their financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 encompassing taxes or incidental fees
as well as
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 a few
amount
Change to a plural noun
amounts
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 for their families.
Consequently
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, they are able to undergo enjoyable
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
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 with
the
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apply
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limited nervousness.
For instance
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, in the UK, about 30% of residents
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apply
show examples
who
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apply
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are in favour of living peacefully
along with
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 annually stable income as following low-paced lifestyle, which is considered as a
Correct your spelling
successful
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 requirement. From the writer's perspective,
happiness
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 is the most general definition of gaining
success
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. To be more specific, when
people
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 reach
to
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apply
show examples
a certain level
of
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in
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 all the fields comprising of occupation and relationships, these
individuals
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 tend to be more satisfied
as well as
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 interested in their life.
As a result
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,
people
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 will
in
Add a missing verb
be in
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thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
 prime of
happiness
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, which enables
to
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them to
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 create the feeling of being successful. Take the
overall
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 population in the world as a prime example, most citizens appreciate the level of
happiness
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 as
trhe
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the
 only valuable
success
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. In conclusion,
success
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 can be achieved via
money
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 or stability with several
people
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 typically ambitious and unsophisticated
individuals
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.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, the level of
happiness
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 is
also
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 the way to reach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Work on further developing your main points with more detailed and clear examples. This will help your argument become more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to grammatical accuracy and range. Although small inaccuracies won't significantly lower your score, reducing them will make your essay more fluent and easy to read.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the main idea and sets up the structure of the essay well.
task achievement
You provide different perspectives on what success means to different people, which helps in addressing the task comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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