IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people believe that rich countries should provide poorer countries with other types of help rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #aid
Many
people
 argue that developed
countries
 should make a concerted effort to provide
aid
 to underdeveloped
countries
.
While
 economic assistance is crucial, I believe that if more
countries
 help each other, more
people
 can avoid suffering. On the one hand, rich
people
 should help undeveloped
countries
 with technology rather than financial
aid
 because
people
 in developed
countries
 already live in economic affluence;
however
,
people
 in underdeveloped
countries
 lack access to convenient facilities
such
 as household appliances and refrigerators.
Therefore
, large companies in wealthy
countries
 can share technology to improve the standard of living for
people
 in poor regions.
For example
,
people
 would have access to cleaner and safer public toilets, fulfilling a basic human need.
Furthermore
, many
people
 in underdeveloped
countries
 suffer from diseases
due to
 lack of access to medications, rather than fatal diseases. In
such
 circumstances, wealthy
countries
 should provide successful treatment methods and share knowledge about failed methods to prevent the same mistakes from being repeated.
For instance
, patients would receive advanced treatment and learn about disease prevention before conditions worsen. Sharing medical expertise could be a crucial part of
aid
 for the poorest regions. In conclusion, rich
countries
 should provide technological
aid
 and professional
knolwedge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 to help poorer
people
. In
this
 regard, there are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 variety of
aid
 that help undeveloped
countries
 rather than financial
aid
.
Submitted by kopopig on

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task achievement
Make sure to provide a clearer introduction that specifies the standpoint you will argue for or against. This will help to set the context for your essay better.
coherence cohesion
Use paragraphs to separate ideas more clearly. Each paragraph should have a main idea that is developed throughout with supporting points and examples.
task achievement
You have presented a well-developed argument and backed your points with relevant examples, which provides strong support for your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear presentation of ideas, and your writing flows well from one point to the next.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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