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Band 6

Space exploration is too expensive andmoney should be spent on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#space #exploration #andmoney
Outerspace is a
mystery
Replace the word
mysterious
show examples
 place that
people
 haven't explored. Nowadays, it is argued that the
exploration
 of
space
 costs too much and
money
 should be expensed on more significant things. In my point of view, I think
space
exploration
 is very important and
money
 could be funded for
space
 research. On the one hand, researching places is to satisfy
people
's curiosity and the desire for adventure into the universe. The universe is always a mysterious question that scientists haven't found. They always find strange things in
space
 that can lead to newly developed technology which can improve our lives.
For example
,
people
 have created GPS devices that help
people
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
go to the exact destination easily. These are linked to the research in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
outer
space
 and it is the most significant investment in the 4.0 era these days.
Space
exploration
 may
also
 help the Earth reduce serious pollution
due to
 the
exploration
 of new resources. In recent years, our planet has exhausted energy resources through the waste of the extracted resources. It has caused natural damage and led to environmental pollution, global warming and sea rising levels which have many negative effects on
people
 and the Earth. Finding new solutions by exploring
space
 may help
people
 tackle their problems. but it
also
gives
Verb problem
has
show examples
 some disadvantages, too. It is a waste of
money
 to train the astronauts that go to the universe. It may waste a lot of time and it
also
 needs some necessary requirements to become an astronaut and
therefore
 may be a lack of willpower to face those challenges. In conclusion, spending
money
 on research
space
 is very important and can improve our lives better
although
 we may receive many risks from the
space
.
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coherence
The essay needs clearer argumentation and connection between ideas. Although the main points are present, the essay lacks explicit links and transitions between different paragraphs, affecting readability.
task
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will help in strengthening your argument and make your ideas more convincing.
language
Improve grammatical accuracy and vocabulary to better convey your points. Minor errors affect the flow and understanding of your essay.
task
Your introduction is engaging and sets up the essay’s argument effectively. You provide a balanced view on the topic, which is good practice in task response.
coherence
You include an appropriate conclusion that summarizes your points and presents your stance on the topic effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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