IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#governments #money #railways #roads
Nowadays, the government’s spending on constructing
railways
 or developing
roads
 has engaged the nation’s interest. Some
people
 might vividly support that
governments
 build new
railways
 to decrease environmental impacts and reduce citizens’ living costs.
However
, others are likely to argue
this
 idea. In
this
 essay, I will examine both perspectives and provide my opinion on
this
 matter. On the one hand,
governments
 should allocate their budgets for developing
railways
 because
this
 kind of transportation offers multiple benefits.
Firstly
,
governments
 should encourage
people
 to use public transport to reduce carbon emissions because the UK government’s research shows that the transportation sector, especially passenger cars, accounted for the majority of greenhouse gas emitters in the world.
Therefore
,
governments
 should urgently increase public transport use rates and reduce passenger car usage by improving infrastructure
such
 as
railways
 connecting cities.
Additionally
, individuals can save both time and money by using trains. Thai
people
,
for example
, prefer using public transport
such
 as underground or train which is more time and cost-saving
due to
 road congestion and high energy costs.
On the other hand
, some might argue that constructing and expanding
roads
 is better/ more beneficial than
railways
 because the construction cost for
roads
 is cheaper. If
governments
 would like to invest in
railways
, they have to spend at least $1 billion developing one railway line.
However
,
governments
 can allocate that money to build
roads
 throughout the country.
Furthermore
,
people
 can be beneficial for doing business
such
 as logistic companies for transporting goods and products around the country. In my opinion, I strongly support that
governments
 should spend money on
railways
 because they help save the world by reducing carbon emissions
as well as
 improve
people
’s well-being by reducing time and saving their living costs.
However
, It is essential for the government to allocate their funds properly depending on the needs of the citizens
Submitted by bhavifasai on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and examines both perspectives. However, consider providing a bit more depth in your analysis of each argument. This can help in developing a more thorough understanding of each side.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure in place and your ideas flow in a coherent manner. To improve, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to make your essay flow even better.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, try to make them more compelling. Draw the reader in with a strong hook in the introduction and leave them with a lasting impression in the conclusion.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your points, which is excellent. To enhance your essay, offer more specific details and examples, especially when discussing the benefits and drawbacks of each mode of transportation.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your arguments.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples to support your main ideas, which strengthens your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument well, showing a balanced viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Your points are logically structured, and it is easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
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