nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. do you think is a positive or a negative development?
Today, some individuals
instead
of going to the doctor when they are sick, take drugs and do treatments on their own. In this
essay I will give my viewpoints and the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.
Firstly
, doctors
and people
who professional
in their skills can do their best with fewer errors. Add a missing verb
are professional
For instance
, doctors
know about a wide range of diseases and they have at least studied around
7 years with spent their internship about 2 years old so it is obvious they have more experience than individuals. Change preposition
for around
Secondly
, learning patients’ stories and history of illness is a very significant point that most doctors
use this
information, therefore
it's good for people
to trust their doctors
rather than their own experiences.
on the other hand
, sick people
find easily
treatments to get fine as soon as possible, because making an appointment takes Change the word
easy
times
, Fix the agreement mistake
time
however
, they should consider that if they take a
wrong medicine, their treatment circulation takes Correct article usage
the
ore
Correct your spelling
more
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
also
with some new issues, besides
, some individuals have financial problems since they prefer to just throw money on their drugs without paying for reception.
In a nutshell, I argue nowadays with a growing economy and inflation but
Correct word choice
apply
people
should prioritize their health in every aspect of their lives even their money, and the government should pay expenditures of sick people
too.Submitted by safehiana on
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task achievement
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is commendable. However, try to elaborate on your points with more specific examples to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. This can be improved through the use of transitional phrases and connecting sentences. Some of your ideas seemed a bit disjointed.
task achievement
While you have provided a response to the task, make sure that you balance your discussion of both benefits and drawbacks of alternative medicine before concluding your opinion on whether it is positive or negative development.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in keeping your essay structured.
task achievement
You attempted to provide specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
You clearly stated your opinion and supported it with arguments, which is a good practice in essay writing.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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