IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
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The majority of people accept that earning a salary or annual profit is the main motivation why they work hard. The writer totally agrees with the statement because of the importance of
money
 in modern social
life
. It must be recognized that payment for daily activities is the leading factor of the effort of the company. To explain, everything one individual can calculate on
money
 like clothes, estate payment, water and electric payment.
As a result
, their salary can afford for their
life
 and avoid the government's attention.
For example
, food and drink in supermarkets have prizes which can be afforded by residents
money
 in order to satisfy their lives. Another point worth mentioning is having more
money
 can make individuals' lives happier.
Additionally
,
money
 can assist a citizen in investing in land or taking a vacation with their family and enhance their quality of living.
For instance
, many trips and long-term vacations are the option of numerous families which can satisfy their demand and create many memories with each other.
As a result
, more
money
 can make people's lives easier and create satisfaction in living which is the result of happiness. Taking everything into account, salary can bring workers effort to satisfy their
life
.
Hence
, the writer has explained the power of
money
 can bring many benefits to human
life
.
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task achievement
Ensure that the main points are well-supported with relevant examples and explanations. This will make your argument more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a logical flow. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Consider using linking words and phrases to enhance the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetition and redundancy in your writing. It’s important to be concise and to the point.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the argument well.
task achievement
The writer addresses the topic directly and provides a clear stance on the issue, which shows a good understanding of the task.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples to support the main points, which adds to the overall argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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