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Writing Samples
Band 7

In the past, people used to travel abroad to look for many difference from their home country. Nowadays, cities throughout the world are becoming more and more similar. What are the reasond? do the adventages outweight disadventages?

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By the millennium, people used to travel in order to compare their hometowns with foreign
countries
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. Today they will not be able to do it with the same aim, since monopolies become similar.It is wrong
due to
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 the
globalization
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 and social networking system. The main disadvantage is that
countries
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 are losing their own aesthetic sides at all. The main reason of
this
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 challenge is the international
globalization
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. In order to be equal in all general aspects
such
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 as economy, commerce, level of life e.d. nations have decided to keep with
this
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 strategy.
Moreover
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, by watching the lifestyle of others through networks, inhabitants of each country tend to copy their quality of life.
For example
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, most youngsters try to keep up with both Korean adults’ views on life and fashion styles,
whereas
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 older want to have similar technology growth and economy.
Therefore
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,
globalization
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 and social networks have contributed us to being similar. Colouring is considered a main issue of
this
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 trend as it leads to a decrease in the number of tourists. There will not be any colouring between
countries
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 , which used to be attractive for everyone. It will damage tourism, which is the main income in most
countries
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such
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 as the USA.
Moreover
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, they will lose their personality as a nation with their custom and religion.
For instance
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,South American
countries
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 have lost 20 per cent of their tourists, since they developed like the USA which means that they do not have their own festivals and things like
this
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.
Thus
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, If we do not prevent it,
countries
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 will lose their own traditions. In conclusion ,
although
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 similarities in
countries
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 lead to
globalization
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 ,drawbacks outnumber its benefits of damaging on nation's culture and percentage of tourists.

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coherence cohesion
Improve sentence construction to enhance clarity. Some sentences are convoluted or awkwardly phrased, making it hard for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. This will help you achieve better coherence and cohesion in your essay.
task achievement
Use more varied and rich vocabulary to better express your ideas and avoid repetition.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and detailed.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame the argument well.
task achievement
The main points are generally supported with examples, which shows an effort to substantiate the arguments.
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