IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.
The pie charts illustrate the major reasons that
people
Use synonyms
 migrated
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
mainly
Change the adverb
main
show examples
 effect of supporting
this
Linking Words
 decision was things
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
. First and
above all
Linking Words
, having a
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 job had a proportion of immigration to the
UK
Use synonyms
, at 30%, and
this
Linking Words
 was comparable to emigration, at 29%. A significant number of
people
Use synonyms
, 22%,
also
Linking Words
 emigrated since they were looking for work,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
came
Add the preposition
came to
show examples
 the
UK
Use synonyms
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
 was dramatically less than a fifth.
However
Linking Words
, formal study, which was another purpose for
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to the
UK
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had a percentage of just over a quarter of
people
Use synonyms
 who immigrated
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a small minority, at 4%,
people
Use synonyms
 of
emmigrating
Correct your spelling
emigrating
 for
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 purpose.
Another primary factors
Replace the adjective
Another primary factor
Other primary factors
show examples
 which
were accompany
Change the verb form
accompanied
show examples
 and
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had similar proportions for immigration and emigration, at 15% and 13%, respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 emigrating for “no
reason
Use synonyms
 stated” was 3 times the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 immigrating for the same
reason
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, “other” accounted for quite
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 to and left the
UK
Use synonyms
, at 11% and 14%, respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for this reason".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, uk, reason with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: