IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.

The pie charts show the main reasons for migration to and from the UK in 2007.
#show #migration #uk
The pie charts illustrate the major reasons that
people
 migrated
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2007.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
mainly
Change the adverb
main
show examples
 effect of supporting
this
 decision was things
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related to
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
. First and
above all
, having a
spesific
Correct your spelling
specific
 job had a proportion of immigration to the
UK
, at 30%, and
this
 was comparable to emigration, at 29%. A significant number of
people
, 22%,
also
 emigrated since they were looking for work,
while
 the percentage of
people
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
came
Add the preposition
came to
show examples
 the
UK
for
this
reason
 was dramatically less than a fifth.
However
, formal study, which was another purpose for
move
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 to the
UK
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had a percentage of just over a quarter of
people
 who immigrated
for
this
reason
.
Furthermore
, there was a small minority, at 4%,
people
 of
emmigrating
Correct your spelling
emigrating
 for
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 purpose.
Another primary factors
Replace the adjective
Another primary factor
Other primary factors
show examples
 which
were accompany
Change the verb form
accompanied
show examples
 and
join
Wrong verb form
joined
show examples
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had similar proportions for immigration and emigration, at 15% and 13%, respectively.
Additionally
, the proportion of
people
 emigrating for “no
reason
 stated” was 3 times the proportion of
people
 immigrating for the same
reason
.
Besides
 that, “other” accounted for quite
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 that
people
came
Correct pronoun usage
who came
show examples
 to and left the
UK
, at 11% and 14%, respectively.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "for this reason".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, uk, reason with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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