In many towns and cities, large shopping malls are replacing small local shops. Do you think this is a positive development? Give your reasons and examples.
Small local
shops
in many towns and cities are being displaced by the existent
of huge shopping Replace the word
existence
malls
. Personally, I would say that this
phenomenon is a form of negative development that commonly occured
in urban Correct your spelling
occurs
area
and I will explain it more in the next paragraphs.
Some might think that huge shopping Fix the agreement mistake
areas
malls
are a great sign of development because it
can give more revenues and benefits to the Correct pronoun usage
they
city
, but this
is not entirely true. Shopping malls
are usually owned by a private company or developer that focused
on profits. To gain more profits, The obvious way is to eliminate the competitors, which Wrong verb form
focuses
is
the small local Correct subject-verb agreement
are
shops
, and attract their customers to come to these shopping malls
. If there are no strong regulations and law enforcement in that city
, these developers can monopolize all customers and opportunities by sabotaging the small local shops
. The term for this
phenomenon is known as gentrification. For example
, developer
or Fix the agreement mistake
developers
company
can partially or fully restrict access in the Fix the agreement mistake
companies
city
where small local shops
are located, so people are more attracted to go to the shopping malls
rather than the small shops
. This
will affects
the income of these local Change the verb form
affect
shops
negatively and will make them bankrupt on
the long run. Because of Change preposition
in
this
impact, it will lead to high numbers of unemployment and poverty in that city
.
Besides
the negative impacts on Add an article
the economy
economy
aspect, huge shopping Replace the word
economic
malls
are also
harming the environment. Due to
the large size, it is clear that
the construction of shopping malls
is requiring
a large empty area in the Wrong verb form
requires
city
. The so-called empty area is usually a green space that is
needed for many species to live. This
means a huge deforestation must be happened for the construction of a shopping mall. Now imagine if there are a high numbers
of shopping Fix the agreement mistake
number
malls
in a city
, it will make the city
dry and barren because
the Add the preposition
because of
lacks
of green space. Typically, shopping Fix the agreement mistake
lack
malls
are more car-centric compared to the small local shops
that can be reached by walking. It will leads
to traffic problems that Change the verb form
lead
also
contribute to the
global warming and harm the environment.
In conclusion, the Correct article usage
apply
existent
of huge shopping Replace the word
existence
malls
give
more negative impacts Verb problem
has
for
the development of a Change preposition
on
city
or town. Economic wise
, It will Add a hyphen
Economic-wise
affects
the income of small local Change the verb form
affect
shops
negatively and can leads
to Change the verb form
lead
the
increase Correct article usage
an
of
unemployment and poverty number in that Change preposition
in
city
. Moreover
, the construction of large shopping malls
is also
harming the environment and contributes to the
global warming.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by arsyiiimuhammad061 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your stance on it. However, it could be improved by avoiding minor inaccuracies like 'commonly occured.' Consider revising it to 'commonly occurring' to maintain grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
While your main points are well-supported, make sure each sentence flows smoothly into the next. To enhance coherence, use more linking expressions like 'moreover,' 'however,' or 'in addition.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples, such as the term 'gentrification' and how developers restrict access to favor shopping malls.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.