Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In
this
technology era, we are facing the fact that some children
consume most of their time with their devices. This
issue is inevitable because now all human activities
are closely related with
Change preposition
to
smartphone
. Though having a tech-savvy generation is a positive development, I believe that the drawbacks for Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
children
with gadgets outweigh the benefit
.
First and foremost, Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
this
phenomenon arise
because there Wrong verb form
has arisen
is
a Wrong verb form
has been
shifting
in social culture and lifestyle in the past few years. Replace the word
shift
Human's
now socialize with each other through online Change noun form
Humans
platform
, including students. Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
For instance
, aside from the school, they also
maintain their friendship through social messaging. Moreover
, during the covid pandemic which obliged students to study from home, they are urge
to have gadgets in order to follow the learning properly.
Change the form of the verb
urged
Eventhough
there is a considerable benefit of having Correct your spelling
Even though
generation
Add an article
a generation
that is
familiar with technology, children
have a short golden era. That's the parents
task to foster their Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
children
time with purposeful Change noun form
children's
activities
and experiences instead
. For example
, outdoor activities
which
stimulate their physical abilities. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Additionally
, social media could distract their activities
, mainly studying. Addiction to smartphone
feature
, Fix the agreement mistake
features
such
as social media, will lead to proscatination
and easily blur their focus on school.
Correct your spelling
procrastination
To conclude
, Correct article usage
the techology
techology
era with Correct your spelling
technology
massive
use of Correct article usage
the massive
smartphone
cannot be Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
hinder
. How Change the form of the verb
hindered
children
socialize nowadays has shift
a bit to online Change the verb form
shifted
platform
. Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
However
, parents need to engage them to
screen-less Change preposition
in
activities
more to maximize their self development
and keep them away from Add a hyphen
self-development
unecessary
distractions, that might produced by Correct your spelling
unnecessary
excessive
use of Correct article usage
the excessive
smartphone
.Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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coherence cohesion
Your essay can benefit from slightly more organized paragraphs. Group ideas clearly and ensure that each paragraph conveys one main idea.
task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed using specific and clear examples. For instance, you mentioned the shift in social culture but did not provide concrete examples or statistics to support this.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that tie back to the main topic.
task achievement
You addressed both parts of the question effectively, explaining why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is positive or negative.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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