Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

this

technology era, we are facing the fact that some

children

consume most of their time with their devices.

This

issue is inevitable because now all human

activities

are closely related

with

Change preposition

show examples

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

. Though having a tech-savvy generation is a positive development, I believe that the drawbacks for

children

with gadgets outweigh the

benefit

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benefits

show examples

. First and foremost,

this

phenomenon

arise

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has arisen

show examples

because there

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

shifting

Replace the word

shift

show examples

in social culture and lifestyle in the past few years.

Human's

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Humans

show examples

now socialize with each other through online

platform

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platforms

show examples

, including students.

For instance

, aside from the school, they

also

maintain their friendship through social messaging.

Moreover

, during the covid pandemic which obliged students to study from home, they are

urge

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urged

show examples

to have gadgets in order to follow the learning properly.

Eventhough

Correct your spelling

Even though

there is a considerable benefit of having

generation

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a generation

show examples

that is

familiar with technology,

children

have a short golden era. That's the

parents

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parent's

parents'

show examples

task to foster their

children

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children's

show examples

time with purposeful

activities

and experiences

instead

For example

, outdoor

activities

which

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apply

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stimulate their physical abilities.

Additionally

, social media could distract their

activities

, mainly studying. Addiction to

smartphone

feature

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features

show examples

such

as social media, will lead to

proscatination

Correct your spelling

procrastination

and easily blur their focus on school.

To conclude

Correct article usage

the techology

show examples

techology

Correct your spelling

technology

era with

massive

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the massive

show examples

use of

smartphone

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smartphones

show examples

cannot be

hinder

Change the form of the verb

hindered

show examples

. How

children

socialize nowadays has

shift

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shifted

show examples

a bit to online

platform

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platforms

show examples

However

, parents need to engage them

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screen-less

activities

more to maximize their

self development

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self-development

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and keep them away from

unecessary

Correct your spelling

unnecessary

distractions, that might produced by

excessive

Correct article usage

the excessive

show examples

use of

smartphone

Fix the agreement mistake

smartphones

show examples

Submitted by pocutarifahzahrina on Tue May 28 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay can benefit from slightly more organized paragraphs. Group ideas clearly and ensure that each paragraph conveys one main idea.

task achievement

Ensure that all ideas are fully developed using specific and clear examples. For instance, you mentioned the shift in social culture but did not provide concrete examples or statistics to support this.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that tie back to the main topic.

task achievement

You addressed both parts of the question effectively, explaining why children spend hours on smartphones and evaluating whether this is positive or negative.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some people think that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards happiness?

In some developing countries it is difficult to recruit teachers to work in remote and rural areas and this can have a serious impact on education in these regions. Why do many teachers not want to work in these areas? What can be done to encourage teachers to take up posts in these regions?

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say this is a positive trend, while others argue that it leads to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.