IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

#age #individuals #birth #people #impact #country
Nowadays, there is a noticeable increase in the number of births. There is an increase in the average
age
 of citizens who give birth. Which makes
people
 think there is a dark side to family and nation.
This
 essay will discuss
this
 issue and argue why it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
challenging to be a parent in older
age
. On the one hand, Older
parents
 can be something hard and challenging for some.
To the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 difference in the ages between
parents
 and kids
raising
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will be a complicated mission.
For example
, there is a huge difference between the environment the
parents
 were raised in and the present time.
In addition
, there is a study that says the awareness of
parents
 in older
age
 is better than young ages by 60%.
On the other hand
, Older
age
 births can affect negatively families and nations.
Furthermore
, few
people
 give their children a bad life experience in which they do not have any parental skills.
Also
, in considering their
age
 they can have more health risks that forbid them from doing their parent's role.
Along with
 the effects on the country, the population of
people
 will decrease and so for future generations.
This
 essay discussed the negative sides of increasing in average
age
 of birth.
This
 increase has an impact on families or the country at the same time.In my opinion, I think it is important to give birth in middle
age
 to avoid health issues and raise children in a suitable environment. many
people
 need more information about
this
 issue .
Submitted by hanadi.alajmi92 on

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task achievement
Try to expand on the points made in each paragraph to give a more thorough explanation. Providing more relevant examples will strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay would benefit from refining the logical structure of your arguments. Ensure each paragraph clearly develops one main idea and flows smoothly to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Proofreading your work can help catch minor errors in grammar and phrasing. Polishing these aspects will help the overall presentation of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your discussion well.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a focused discussion on the topic.
task achievement
You have identified both advantages and disadvantages of older age births which shows balanced thinking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average age
  • give birth
  • increasing
  • negative impact
  • advantages
  • challenges
  • effects
  • family
  • country
  • older parents
  • financial stability
  • maturity
  • life experience
  • health risks
  • parenting skills
  • intergenerational relationships
  • future generations
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