IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages؟

#people #travel #differences #home #country #sceneries #places #world #similarities #disadvantages؟
In the
last
 years, humans utilise
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
travel to find the differences between their home
countries
 and other
countries
 .
In other words
, some
countries
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 equal in building,food etc in modern-days. I strongly believe that the benefits of
likewise
countries
 outweigh the drawbacks. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 all
cities
 grow
according to
 the needs of the world. In spite
of
Correct pronoun usage
of this
show examples
, organisations understood their visitors in order to present their
city
 substantially. On the one hand, I totally believe that the merits of these similarities exceed the disadvantages. The primary advantages of similarity between these
cities
 are their capability to invite guests to introduce their culture , tourism ,
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 etc. In order to keep pace with the development .
This
 is the
modern-world
Correct your spelling
modern world
show examples
 because
people
 are interested if they observe there are technological or development sides.
For example
, Spain has different
cities
not only but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
, the government of Spain always cares for the capital
city
 to increase income through tourists because Madrid has been developing and growing
to
begin
Verb problem
become
show examples
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
show examples
city
.
On the other hand
, there are several disadvantages of similar
cities
.
Above all
, some humans did not prefer similar
countries
. To illustrate, most
people
 travel every year to find a fantastic
city
 even though they usually choose a destination carefully in order to notice new things to take their
atination
Correct your spelling
patination
attention
.
Furthermore
,
people
 often search about the differences to discover a lot of things
such
 as ways of building or culture.
To sum up
, I would argue that the merits of similar
cities
 nowadays, it is the most important
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days because all
people
 prefer
equally
Change the word
equal
show examples
cities
to
Correct your spelling
so
show examples
 they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not want alternatives.
Submitted by nahlaalrashidi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on creating a clearer structure for your essay. Ensure your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct and serve their purpose.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas more smoothly between paragraphs. Use linking words and phrases to build cohesion.
task achievement
Expand on your main ideas, providing more detailed explanations and examples. Make sure each point relates back to the question.
task achievement
Avoid vague statements. Instead, be more precise with your language to convey your ideas clearly.
task achievement
You successfully addressed both parts of the question, discussing both the causes of similarities and whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical flow of ideas within some paragraphs, with an attempt to introduce examples and arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: