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Band 5.5

Some people believe that no one should be allowed to continue working after the age of 65. However, others say there shouldn't be a limitation on age and anyone should be allowed to work regardless of their age. Discuss both views, give your own opinion and give relevant examples.

#people #age #shouldn #limitation #anyone #work
Certain individuals think that working after the age of 65 should be limited
although
 others do not agree with
this
 idea. From my perspective, it is difficult to coordinate with someone who is too aged and it should be completely avoided. In
this
 essay, both ideas will be discussed to explore the reasons for
such
 types of ideologies.
To begin
 with, any individual after the age of 65 has lesser knowledge of the techniques used at workplaces nowadays. The technology has changed in a lot of ways and the younger population can easily adapt to
such
 kinds of transformations.
However
, it is a daunting task for an old person to learn the working of technical
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 used at the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
. To exemplify, many old
people
 do not understand the use of computers and knowledge of it is compulsory these days to perform tasks.
Therefore
, employers know
this
 fact and do not invest in the training of the old
people
 and prefer the young individuals.
Besides
this
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
 are only preferred for manual tasks that need only
little
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
 use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technology.
On the contrary
, some employers favour the role of experience and trust which the old employees have established after serving the organizations for years. Their knowledge helps businesses not only to grow but
also
 to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past failures from happening.
Additionally
, many recruiters cannot find labour
due to
 the shortages or
people
 do not want to work in that field.
Thus
, retention of an old worker is the utmost important factor for an owner.
For example
, in the agriculture sector, the young populace is not interested
to participate
Change preposition
in participating
show examples
. So, the aged
people
 already working are retained to ensure the availability of labour. In conclusion,
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological transformations, many older workers are failing at learning the newer techniques introduced at the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
.
In contrast
, certain employers have to hold the aged workforce because of the
inavailability
Correct your spelling
unavailability
availability
 of the young labour.
Overall
, I believe that youngsters are better at learning any modifications easily so they should be preferred.
Submitted by Kiran on

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task response
To further strengthen your argument, elaborate on the points made by providing more detailed examples or statistics. This will provide more depth to the essay and make your argument more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all your points are linked together in a logical order. This will help the reader follow your argument seamlessly from start to finish.
introduction and conclusion
You provided a well-structured introduction and conclusion which framed your essay nicely.
task response
You included relevant examples to support your points, making your essay more compelling.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory retirement
  • workforce regeneration
  • transition planning
  • cognitive decline
  • predictable transition
  • physical endurance
  • job performance
  • financial necessity
  • personal fulfillment
  • flexible retirement policy
  • economic reasons
  • expertise
  • consultancy roles
  • active participation
What to do next:
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