IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding the changes. Others, however think that changes is always a good thing. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #lives #changes
Over the
last
half
Add a hyphen
half-century
show examples
century
Add a comma
century,
show examples
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 pace of
change
 in the of human beings has increased beyond our wildest expectations.
This
 has been driven by technological and scientific breakthroughs that are changing the whole way we view the world on an almost daily basis.
This
 means that
change
 is not always a personal option, but an inescapable fact of life, and we need to constantly adapt to keep pace with it. Those
people
 who believe they have achieved some security by
dong
Correct your spelling
doing
show examples
 the same, familiar things are living in denial. Even when
people
 believe they are resisting
change
 themselves, they cannot stop the world around them from changing, Sooner or
lately
Change the word
later
show examples
 they will find that the familiar
jobs
Add a verb
jobs are
jobs were
show examples
 no longer appropriate.
However
, reaching the conclusion that
change
 is inevitable is not the same as assuming that
change
 is always for the better . Unfortunately, it is not always the case
people
. A lot of innovations are made with the aim of making money for a few.
This
 is because it is the rich and powerful
people
 in our society who are able to impose
change
(
such
 as in working conditions or property developments) that are in their own interests. In conclusion, I would say that
change
 can be stimulating and energizing for individuals when they pursue it themselves, but that all
change
, including that which is imposed on
people
, does not necessarily have good outcomes.
Submitted by viewsoysoongnern on

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task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made. Adding real-life scenarios or referencing studies could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and typos that should be addressed. For instance, 'dong' should be 'doing,' and 'Soar' should be 'Sooner or later.' Proofreading would help polish the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the essay flows logically, it could benefit from clearer signposting between points. Transitional phrases and connectors can make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing both views and providing a balanced discussion, which is crucial for task response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by mentioning the rapid pace of change and its impact.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the main points well and reinforces your stance in a clear and concise manner.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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