IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should only read academic book. Other believe that reading books for pleasure is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #book #books #pleasure
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It is thought by some people that young people should just read academic
books
while
 others believe
books
 that make them feel satisfied are
also
 equally important. In the essay, both viewpoints will be outlined before reaching a conclusion. On the
one
 hand, there are several perks that reading only academic
books
 offers to those new generations and
one
 of the most essential is their bright future. To explain in greater detail, these
books
 give tons of
knowledge
 make them grasp a wide range of different subjects and skills.
Furthermore
, it is obvious that children will be able to utilise their
knowledge
 and apply or adapt it in their future lives.
For example
, my cousin has been a bookworm since she was a girl, reading only academic-related
books
 or lectures.
As a result
, now she is only 25 years old and
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a team leader and manager in a
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 financial company in Thailand;
besides
, her subordinates respect her because of her
knowledge
 and skills
such
 as
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
, resourcefulness, etc.
On the other hand
, there is a clear upside
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reading other genres of
books
 and the most crucial is entertainment. To elaborate
further
, these
books
 can improve their creativity,
one
 of the skills that youngsters these days
lacks
Change the verb form
lack
show examples
.
Moreover
, leisure
books
 can be considered as an outlet for their stress and depression from learning.
For instance
, when I was a child, I had to study 9-10 hours a day which provided me with a lot of stress.
Thus
, the only way that I can indulge myself at that time is my comic
books
 and fantasy novels which would disconnect me from those academic subjects and help me to use my creativity and imagination to think
along with
 their plots.
Overall
, it is a fact that academic and leisure
books
 give children both merits and demerits.
However
, from my point of view, allowing our offspring to read both of them will benefit them more than
force
Wrong verb form
forcing
show examples
 them to read only
one
 kind as it will help them to get more
knowledge
 and enhance their creativity to use in the future.
Submitted by nnatthinee on

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coherence cohesion
In the first main paragraph, provide a clearer topic sentence to outline what the paragraph will specifically discuss, such as 'One advantage of reading only academic books is that it fosters a bright future for children.' This can improve the structure and clarity.
coherence cohesion
In the second main paragraph, the topic sentence can be more explicit about the key point regarding entertainment enhancing creativity. For example, 'Reading books for pleasure can significantly enhance children's creativity and act as a stress outlet.'
task achievement
Expand on the explanation of why academic books give knowledge and skills to solidify the argument. Including an additional supporting point here could strengthen the task response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clear and help frame the discussion effectively.
relevant specific examples
Relevant and specific examples provided, such as the cousin’s career success and personal experience with comic books, effectively support the main points.
logical structure
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with clear organization of points for both views.
complete response
The ideas are generally clear and well-comprehensible, providing a complete response to the prompt.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic books
  • reading for pleasure
  • structured reading
  • discipline
  • focus
  • imagination
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • empathy
  • well-rounded education
  • language skills
  • lifelong learning
  • balanced approach
  • child’s development
  • stimulate
What to do next:
Look at other essays: