IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
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Many individuals hold the view that endorsements are the best way to convince people to pay for the merchandise
whereas
 others believe that adverts are ubiquitous and make people careless about them.
This
 writer inclined that advertising is very vital to many businesses
although
 it can sometimes be annoying for humans. It must be recognised that plenty of businesses prefer using advertisements as a strategy to attract the population. Obviously, creating the ADS is very complex, and the progress can cost a lot of money and devotion.
As a result
, a short video or a poster with colourful and meaningful content can reveal the benefit of the product.
For instance
, the sophisticated and attractive commercial from Apple company, which has persuaded many public to pay for a new phone even if it was not necessary Notwithstanding, I strongly believe that the existence of many advertisements can interrupt dwellers. Intrinsically, numerous posters in reality or websites on the internet are ubiquitous, and that issue leads to the crowd being similar to the ADS and not caring about it.
Moreover
, lots of adverts pop up and can disrupt folks from doing work and entertainment. Take YouTube as an example, where many announcements can be put at the beginning or in the middle of the video, and it will let families down
while
 following the content.
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coherence cohesion
Try to write a more conclusive closing statement or paragraph to wrap up your argument and give a final stance.
task achievement
Avoid vague terms like 'many individuals' and 'public'; specify the groups you’re discussing for a clearer and more professional tone.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that you fully develop your points with relevant specifics.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents both sides of the argument, setting up the discussion effectively.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant examples, such as the Apple commercial and YouTube ads, to support your points.
task achievement
You display a good range of vocabulary, effectively conveying your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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