Companies should provide sport and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is considered whether the large companies should promote local residents by giving them sports and social infrastructure or not.
This
writer holds a belief that this
is one of the most effective ways to enhance individuals' strength and also
improve the quality of labour resources nowadays.
To begin
with, providing sports facilities fosters a sense of support in strengthening people's well-being, which allows them to work continuously for a long-term period, increasing the health standard of labour resources. To explain this
point, by offering equal physical opportunities, exercise is seen as a virtual activity in their daily routines. For example
, after work, individuals would spend more than one hour engaging in physical activity that supports releasing endorphins instead
of playing games or surfing the Internet. These changes would make them inducing pleasure and motivation for their life, and also
provide them with a sense of belonging. Consequently
, involving in exercising promotes a healthier, more balanced lifestyle, which, in turn, can lead to increased productivity and job satisfaction.
Besides
, being given available infrastructures reduces the exorbitant cost of those, saving a huge range of money for other activities. To clarify this
idea, it should be noticed that there are lots of people who must pay a fortune to take part in the gym or yoga to improve their physical strength. However
, with this
strategy, they have an opportunity to enjoy those services without spending cash on them. In addition
, the remaining money could be used for other purposes such
as shopping, renovating accommodation or education, developing their quality of life, and ensuring effective outcomes in working.
In conclusion, it should be acknowledged that,
offering sport for local communities is entirely cost-effective, advancing the mental fitness of employees to support them in working. Remove the comma
apply
Additionally
, it also
enhances the standard of health.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
While your essay effectively addresses the prompt and provides clear and comprehensive ideas, consider adding more specific examples to support your points. For example, you could mention specific companies that have successfully implemented such initiatives and the positive outcomes they experienced. This would provide concrete evidence to back up your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured and coherent, but there are a few awkward phrasings and minor grammatical errors that can disrupt the flow. Consider revisiting sentences like 'exercise is seen as a virtual activity in their daily routines' for clarity. Also, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that transitions between ideas are smooth.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear and provides a strong thesis statement, effectively setting up the essay. This helps the reader understand the main argument from the outset.
logical structure
You have a logical and cohesive structure throughout the essay. Each paragraph deals with a specific point and contributes to the overall argument, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
supported main points
The essay includes relevant and specific examples to support your main points. This strengthens your arguments and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?