IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people think that professional athletes are overpaid for what they do. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? 🔋

There is a popular view that professional sportspeople are overpaid these days. I disagree with
this
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 statement, as it only considers some high-profile cases and does not explain the hard work
that is
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 executed by most
athletes
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 to reach a certain level. When people complain about the impressive wages of
athletes
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, they usually look at famous sportspeople like Ronaldo and Messi. Millions of dollars attached to their names may anger people who do not believe that playing a sport should be valued so much.
However
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, those individuals only look at successful
athletes
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 and fail to
analyze
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analyse
show examples
 the careers of other sportspeople who may struggle to make ends meet or enjoy only a short
sports
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 career. In fact, a serious injury can stop any promising
sports
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 career, showing how risky it is to choose a professional path in
sports
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. Those who fail in the world of
sports
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 often struggle later in life in terms of education or addiction. Another argument worth mentioning is how difficult it is to become a professional athlete. A football player in the Premier League,
for instance
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, runs an average of 10-12
kilometers
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kilometres
show examples
 per game that continues for 90 minutes. The average walking distance of a human per day varies from 3.2 to 8
kilometers
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kilometres
show examples
.
Similarly
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, an MMA fighter can survive hundreds of significant strikes every fight, but any of those strikes could kill an untrained human being. These are just 2 examples showing the physical superiority of an athlete. Years of hard work help them become extraordinary human specimens and
thus
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 help them make more money. In conclusion, professional
athletes
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 are not overpaid, as they reach a physiological level
that is
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 difficult to achieve for a regular person. They are
also
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 willing to risk pursuing a
sports
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 career, which again explains why the millions they can make later are justified. 302 words. #EssayByMe ⚡️ @ieltsaidbydilshodbek 🔋

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task achievement
Provide more varied examples and data to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use connecting words more often to improve the flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Consider adding a counter-argument to show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader understand your stance.
task achievement
Strong use of specific examples that relate to the arguments made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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