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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that robots are important for human's future development. Others think that robots have negative effects on society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #robots #future #development #effects #society
It is often argued that
robots
 play a vital role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 humanity following progress whilst others decry their adverse impact. In
this
 essay, I will explore both perspectives and offer my opinion. On the one hand,
robots
 cite a remarkable precision and efficiency
robots
 bring to industries like manufacturing, boosting productivity and cost-effectiveness.
Robots
 are excellent in precisely needed jobs,
for example
, they can perform surgeries and assist in patient care, reducing human error and enhancing medical outcomes.
Moreover
, they can explore space, deep seas and hazardous environments where
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 cannot safely go,
therefore
, it expands our knowledge and capabilities. There are numerous benefits that can be listed, it is shown that having
robots
 in our life is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 and
usefulness
Replace the word
useful
show examples
. In the eyes of
skeptics
Change the spelling
sceptics
show examples
, the negative impact of
robots
 is being raised. As
robots
 become more sophisticated, they encroach on human job domains, potentially leading to unemployment and economic disparities.
For instance
, increasing productivity in manufacturing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots
 can lead to the decision to
layoff
Correct your spelling
lay
show examples
 a numerous employees
due to
 their comparison between human and robot effectiveness.
Therefore
, using
robots
 is a rapid plan to make job displacement. In my opinion, balancing both
robots
 and
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
show examples
 working skills are more important
overall
.
While
robots
 take
place
Correct article usage
the place
show examples
 of productivity,
cost reducing
Wrong verb form
reduction
show examples
,
precise
Correct word choice
and precise
show examples
 performance, we,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 should improve our education system by adapting to the changing landscape.
Besides
 that, stringent regulations should be passed by the
governmen
Correct your spelling
government
 to prevent the ethical dilemmas of
robots
 which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 rising. To recapitulate, a
balance
Change the verb form
balanced
show examples
 approach is essential to keep the potential of
robots
 development and decrease the disadvantages from them.
Submitted by beautytear13 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs clearer topic sentences and supporting details to enhance the logical structure of your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammar and avoid minor inaccuracies like misspellings (e.g. 'neccessary' should be 'necessary') and subject-verb agreement issues.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help to make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
You have provided a complete response, addressing both perspectives on the topic and offering your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear starting and ending point for your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • precision
  • efficiency
  • production outputs
  • cost savings
  • innovation
  • medical outcomes
  • human error
  • exploration
  • hazardous environments
  • unemployment
  • economic disparity
  • ethical concerns
  • privacy
  • security
  • misuse
  • dependency
  • overreliance
  • social isolation
  • manual labor
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