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Band 3.5

It is more important for school children to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#school #children #history #world
It is more vital for vocational youngsters to absorb about regional past than earth times past. From my point of view, I partly agree with
this
 view. On the one hand, approaching local antiquity helps people better understand the origins of the country.
Besides
, it allows
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 to see the gratitude for protecting the country that previous generations of ancestors left behind.
Moreover
, it helps citizens clearly see where the cultural identity and customs of the region come from.
For example
, we can send gratitude to the martyrs who sacrificed their lives in war to have the current peaceful nation.
In addition
, when learning area
history
,
community
Add an article
the community
a community
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 can preserve and propagate their cultural identity and customs to international friends.
On the other hand
, you should not only study the
history
 of one region but
also
 learn
globe
Replace the word
global
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history
 to expand your understanding of human olden times.
Furthermore
, planet
history
 broadens people's understanding and understanding of past and present situations in the world, helping nationality grasp information more quickly and accurately. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
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 up, learning local
history
 helps
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 better understand the origins of their country or themselves.
However
, the world's
history
 cannot be ignored because it makes
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
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 around the globe understand each other and join hands for the common good of the world.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Organize your ideas into well-defined paragraphs, each focusing on a specific point. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger introduction and conclusion, clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion. This will give your essay a more polished and complete feel.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and clarity. Some of your sentences are awkwardly phrased or unclear. Reading your essay out loud can help identify areas that need improvement.
task achievement
Make sure that your response fully addresses all parts of the prompt. Although you have acknowledged both sides of the argument, try to balance the discussion and provide more development for each point.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Provide more detailed explanations and specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay does a good job of addressing both sides of the argument. You have acknowledged the importance of both local history and world history.
task achievement
You have included relevant points about the benefits of learning local history, such as understanding cultural identity and customs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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